Before I went to bed last night, I found a mostly empty notebook in which to jot down what I wanted to accomplish today. I'm not a list writer, but every once in a while I find the need to get things down on paper. Doing this makes me less anxious and encourages focus, and to some degree, purpose. It's not yet 4pm and I'm pleased to say that all the tasks that were mandatory (in the universe in my head) I've gotten checked off. There were a few things that had question marks next to them which indicated options that I'll move over to another day.
Since doing some pet care for hire, continuing at the Visual Arts center as a darkroom monitor, and trying to stay aware of my art and the ol' homestead, I started to get worried I'd forget something. Keeping track of things in my calendar app is all well and good, but I have a hard time really visualizing the scope of all my activities on a screen. It can feel like there's way more going on, or at least more than feels manageable, if I can't see it all written down. I found templates online to print calendar pages on 13 x 19 inch paper and it's worked out perfectly. Using pencil seemed like a good idea too because, you know, things can change.
The world has become very wacky, in my opinion. There are a lot of things that cause me concern which have added to my already moderately high anxiety levels. Living alone is weird for me, or I should say still weird. There are no buffers when you spend lots of time in solitude and without emotionally intimate relationships in the day to day. I have to say, I've done pretty well overall, handling all the changes that have occurred in my life. There are times when I say, "No, I've not done well at all" or "You know, this really feels like a crisis moment" but I've learned to do what I need to pick myself up...even if I have to move through emotional discomfort first (which is typically part of the process). I think that's all a way of saying that I seem to have to reset quite frequently, and writing things down, reflecting on what I accomplish (even one task at a time) and regularly reviewing the beauty in my life as a whole, past and present, is helpful.