The Third Act

november 16

My tea tasted like a different time and a different place this morning.  Funny how the senses work, the connections that are made in the brain.  I can't say whether it's comfortable or uncomfortable...it just is.  

My mom is transitioning out of her corporeal form.  Her 101st birthday would be on December 11th but it's looking unlikely she will make it.  Her consciousness isn't on this plane anymore I'm told.  I saw her in August, when we connected, we chatted and reminisced.  I talked to her on the phone after that and she was engaged, asking after everyone.  She's hung on a long time.  When someone hangs on that long, even though the obvious is inevitable, it's still...weird and disorienting to know that that ultimate physical separation is immanent.  

I can't help but think my dream the night (see previous day's post) before last might have something to do with her process.  Mothers and children, especially mothers and daughters, have a connection that goes beyond the conscious.  Especially my mom, where dreams are concerned...she talked a lot about her dreams.  Maybe she's making her way out, breaking through that barrier to her next phase.  

 

 

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november 15

I had a dream this morning.  I was trapped in a cave...or a tunnel...I'm not sure.  At some point, I realized I was in a dream and decided to push on the surface above me to release myself from this confinement.  Gradually the hard ceiling started to stress and show fibers with light behind them.  And then, voila, I  pushed through and was free.  As it would happen was on the top of a moving train car, but it wasn't runaway just traveling at a good, purposeful clip.  The air was clear with snow capped mountains in the distance.  It felt so good and I knew it was important that I remember this.  The rest of the dream sort of devolved into lucid weirdness, but the important part was that beginning.  

 

 

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november 14

It was a day for getting stuff done...which included a visit to the dentist.  Fortunately, no novocaine was required.  It was also a day for keeping the wood stove going.  This evening, we'll call it a night early.  I'm working hard on getting more sleep in these darker days.  Sleep...it's always been an issue for me.  But it helps to make things calm and comfortable, which is my aim.  Needless to say, Avery likes a fire in the stove as well...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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november 13

It's a gray, wet morning.  Throughout the night there was a steady, but gentle rain.  The piled up leaves are settling under the weight of the wetness, which was the intention behind getting all that work done yesterday.

I'll be off to VisArts shortly.  I'm not sure what I'll be working on during my session.  I may bring along my Agfa Isolette folder and a roll of film to reacquaint myself.  Whether it's because of the continued rain and gray skies, or the increased darkness of this time of year, finding focus and productivity has been a little iffy recently.  The ground beneath my feet is...soggy?  But that happens.  Bringing out the journal and noting the basic schedule and activities to be accomplished helps.  Still, there's that anxious quiver inside (which I know is something to be observed compassionately, but dagnabit it gets really annoying).  

 

 

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november 12

Mother nature was accommodating and had the rain hold off until I finished my yard work.  This was another four hour session wrangling leaves (the driveway alone was covered with a two inch layer the whole length).  It's interesting to think about other leaves I've dealt with in homes of the past.  There was a fifty or so foot ash tree we had at the house in Phoenix.  I loved that tree because when it turned it finally felt like autumn in the desert.  It would sport the most lovely golden yellow color.  I remember making a few piles of the fallen leaves for the kids to play in (I know I have photos somewhere).  I remember thinking there were so many leaves to rake.  Fast forward to a yard with half a dozen or so seventy foot tall deciduous trees (and I won't even count the pines with their dropping needles) and the volume seems exponentially increased!  Sometimes I stop and I look at the four cubic yard accumulation (repeat that several times over the course of October, November, December) that I'm herding under the trees and I think "Look what you can do, Therese!!"

I'm finally back inside with Avery.  It's ridiculously dark for how early it still is.  The wood stove is heating my little creative space downstairs, after getting all cleaned out by the chimney guys today.  Laundry is almost done.  I have to say I'm happy to have leftovers and don't have to think about cooking anything for dinner.  It's time for a heating pad for my back now!

 

 

 

 

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november 11

We are back home (I picked up Avery before I got to the house). It was a good trip.  Perhaps it didn't go exactly as planned but even in the hiccups it provided good and useful experiences.  There was a lot of visiting involved with good connection, which is so vital to my well being.  I saw artwork and listened to music and ate good food.  I got good feedback on my work and now need to focus on making decisions for a show (how many pieces? which ones?  what do I write about each piece? where can I get some affordable frames?).  That last bit is wonderful, but slightly unnerving and scary for me too!

The rain didn't stop me from wandering around on Friday.  Saturday was the classic fall day with clear skies and very chilly winds.  I didn't get to make photographs at the National Mall because of the weather, but I did make a few digitals (and perhaps far too many to Instagram with my phone) at the cemetery yesterday.  I also brought home a couple rolls of exposed film (to be added to the already four rolls of color to send out for processing).

And now it's time to settle back into the routine.  Traveling typically requires a day or two to come down from.  I think when I used to travel with family it was different because home was with me the whole time.  When I get out of my environment now it almost feels like I need to create a touchstone or ritual to keep feeling connected to home, and not so discombobulated upon my return.  It's all a work in process...just like life!

 

 

 

 

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november 10

It’s going to be a busy day, so here’s just a quickie post for this November 10 (November 10? Seriously? Already??).

I enjoyed my sunrise view this morning and am now sipping hotel tea. There’s some fruit and yogurt in the fridge that I got last night at Wholefoods when I picked up some soup and salad for supper. I can see the cemetery (where I’ve taken many photos over the years) from my room and notice so many trees already shed of their leaves) and hope to get over there at some point with camera(s) in hand. The day will be chilly, but I’m prepared. My heart breaks a little, though, for my beloved California (among many other things) on fire again.

 

dawn 

 

Me (ready for the day) and the (location appropriate) hotel artwork.

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november 9

Well, it was a long full day. Travel up to Alexandria, Metro over to DC to meet a friend for lunch (with a pit stop at the Whitehouse to see demonstration activity and take a few pictures). After lunch we checked out the Renwick which I’ve been meaning to visit and got to chat with one of the artists who just had an exhibit open. 

Now, the trip back to the hotel on Metro was interesting. They are doing track maintenance so everyone had to get off the train and transfer to other stations on shuttles.  Only thing is, it was a mess with a couple hundred people stuffed into a small space with no organized way to queue for the busses! A few of us were chatting, trying to make sense of the situation when one woman pulls out her phone and says , “Anyone want to share a ride?” and I immediately replied, “Yes!”  I had thought of getting a Lyft when we were being herded like cattle, but didn’t feel brave enough...or something! 

We made much better time ( even though way longer than desired) and got out of that claustrophobic, chaotic situation. But more than that, it was an experience of the kindness and camaderie of strangers. In these days of fear and angst, it was lovely to practice trust and connection.

 

 

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november 8

I'll be getting some things together later, for a little road trip up north this weekend.  There will be gallery visits (both for pleasure and for work), monument photographing (if the rain isn't too intense), friend and family visiting, and concert going.  I haven't been out of town except for a short day trip or two, since my California visit back in August.  It should be good to get away, especially since there's still fall color.  I'll continue my daily blogging as best I can using my phone or iPad (isn't portable technology great??).

As I look outside this morning, it's hard to tell I cleaned up my yards just five days ago.  There are leaves carpeting the lawns and driveway, like the trees had not a care in the world denuding themselves for the winter.  Of course they don't and of course that's their nature (which I love).  My question becomes, how much time do I want to spend on tidying before I leave town, because does it really matter?  By the time I get home, it probably wouldn't look much different cleaned up now or not, as only a fraction of the leaves have dropped.  But I worry about that stuff.

In the mean time, just a little message (as being disseminated by my neighbor with her lovely sign campaign).  It can be hard to stay positive and compassionate in these days of polarized views.  Despite everything, I remain hopeful (if I didn't, I would be overtaken by grief and paralysis).  I hope you remain hopeful too.

 

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november 7

Early morning light, seen through two different instant cameras...and a strange vision in my bedroom...

Not much to say today.  Lots of dreams lately...very vivid (in fact the details from last night's dream seemed like they were from real life...very confusing).  I won't elaborate. 

So...onward I go.

 

 

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