The Third Act

responding

Responding to the light.  I hadn't intended to make a picture.  Running slow, having finished my tea, I grabbed a banana from the bowl.  I wasn't terribly hungry yet, but my body needed something.  Standing in the light, I looked down at my hand and the half eaten banana and was fascinated with the sunshine...how it accentuated the detail in the fruit flesh and the dry skin on my hand.  How the green from my robe reflected back.  I thought, "I should make a photo."  Then I thought, "Ugh, I'll need to go grab a camera, and the tripod.  Do I really want to do this?"  But I made myself do it, because I've got to stop ignoring the creative impulse for the reason it seems "too hard" or "doesn't really matter."  Are these great photos?  No.  The exposure control on the Lomo'Instant is limited, so the highlights are blown out, removing some of the detail.  And while the deep shadows on the first photo please me, there's not enough detail to really make sense in the second one.  But that's all okay because, for me, art seems to be more about the practice, the exercise, the process and learning to have more patience and less judgement about all of that.

 

 

 

last night

Yesterday brought snow, then sleet, then freezing rain and finally rain.  I went out at about 9pm, after most all the precipitation had stopped.  The air was still and cool, but temps had warmed and I could hear the drip drip of melting snow.  

I don't often get myself out after dark.  I'm not exactly sure why that is.  In winter I know, my body starts slow down after sunset...I seem to want to hibernate.  But last night was nice to walk around, hearing the crunch of hardened snow under my feet.  Avery was certainly interested in all the smells.

This morning is sunny, with a fair bit of wind.  The temperatures will climb to the low 40s and I suspect there will be lots more melting.  There is the potential for snow a couple times later in the week.  It seems we're finally in a winter pattern, which is fine by me.

 

 

 

 

waiting

It was a slow start to this Sunday morning.  Snow was on the way (it's here now) and it was unimportant to get showered and dressed in any rush.  Tea, a fire and a good book were on the initial agenda.  

Eventually I have indeed showered and dressed (in layers).  At some point I'll probably need to go out to bring in more firewood.  I have numerous books to read, a journal to write in, leftovers already made for dinner, all of which add up to a pretty decent day.

The rain is supposed to come later and will probably wash quite a bit of the snow away.  That's fine...just no ice please!  The accumulation most likely won't add up to more than an inch.  It's pretty when it falls, though, so I'm enjoying the morning.

 

 

 

oysters

One of the Christmas gifts I received for the holiday was a set of oyster mushroom blocks.  Maybe nothing else is growing at this time of year, but fungus is always busy!

 

 

kindling

A good sized branch fell from the large oak at the corner of my yard.  It fell into my neighbor's yard.  I felt responsible because...of course I did.  On the other hand my mind went, "oh yay, kindling!"  I dragged it into my yard a few days ago and finally got around to cutting it up into usable pieces.  

I have become that old woman who finds things like this fun.  Yes.  Yes I have.

 

 

 

pomegranates

It's kind of amazing.  There have been two pomegranates sitting in my fruit bowl for, well, a couple months.  Why have I not opened either of them until now?  There's no good reason.  Today, however, I needed a photographic subject and I thought, "why not?"  Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure what I'd find when I cracked the fruit open.  Miraculously (or not) the little, fleshy seeds are still edible!  I think I'll put some in my salad tonight.

 

 

 

a few pinholes

I'm working to keep up a daily blogging effort, including photographic work.  But I have to say, sometimes when I'm running a little rough (been not quite feeling right the past couple days) and I'm thinking of all the other tasks I want to accomplish (spreading woodchips, painting, for example) it's hard to get creatively inspired.  Thankfully, there are usually a few images in reserve for just such occasions!

Suffice to say, my daily routines are not very well formed.  Ideally I'd have x amount of time devoted to art/writing, x amount to house/garden, and at some point x amount to income generating pursuits.  I'm rather sadly random with my energy use.  Maybe I shouldn't say "sadly", maybe it's best to realize we're all still living in weird times AND it's winter.  

So...here are a few pinholes from the summer shot on Kodak Ektar 100 in my Zero69.  These are from Alexandria, VA.

 

 

 

 

 

touch up

I had some pros work on a few cracks in my walls yesterday.  Cracks in my walls...sounds like a metaphor.  To be honest, it's definitely one of my anxiety triggers.  I could delve into the symbolism related to my own psychology, but you don't need to hear all that.  Suffice to say, I've never had anyone suggest that there's a real problem with the house structurally, and these cracks are just part of what it does over time.  So, I'll fix the cracks (or in this case, have them fixed), paint the surface and not think of it again until such time as I need to.

It's actually enjoyable to work on the house.  I really delved into it when I first moved in several years ago.  Then, my momentum just sort of halted.  I think some place in my mind I thought I might move back to California in a few years, that my ex would want to reunite, and my root deepening here became suspended.  The last year feels like it's been pivotal in my acceptance of life as it is.  With that, the motivation to make my environment just as I like it, especially so that it'll nurture my creative self, has returned.

Am I still lonely?  Sure.  Do I still miss being near my kids?  Absolutely.  But I'm a lot more content these days.  I don't have the same longing to be back on the west coast (although I do still find NorCal entirely magical and relish every visit I can make).  I also don't have the same desire for a partner.  I miss the companionship and support, of course, but it doesn't take up much mental real estate.  A little progress, anyway.

 

 

 

winter

I love these cold, clear days.  I love the long streams of light reaching in through the windows for an embrace.  I love the warm soup I'll have for dinner and the books I'll read this evening.  Anyone would love the radiant heat of a wood stove, but I've even come to enjoy bringing in wood and building the fire.  The list of things I love about winter goes on...feeding birds; walking near the river surrounded by tall trees revealing their glorious frameworks; planning the garden in my head, holding each packet of seeds, imagining the plants' growth through the following seasons; pruning fruit trees; clear night skies full of stars; and if lucky, I love the quiet magic of a good snowfall.

I think I've always loved winter, despite having a body that seems to get easily chilled (simple remedy:  lots of layers!).  As a child (growing up in southern California) I wondered what it would be like living in a place that had snow.  I would get excited by even a coating of frost on the rooftops.  Occasionally we'd take a drive up to the San Bernardino mountains to visit the snow and it was heaven for me.  I was a little jealous of the next door neighbor family who moved to the high desert in Barstow and even they got snow!  Maybe it's because I'm a winter baby.  Maybe it's because I come from eastern European ancestry.  Whatever the reason, I have great fondness for this time of year.

 

 

 

in between

My head seems to be in an odd space these days. I'm not sure the reason.  I'm not upset by it (maybe slightly annoyed because being unfocused makes me slightly anxious).  I'm thinking about the energy around me, that which runs through me over lifetimes before and after.  Just floating along in this strange now.

It's gray today, but is currently weirdly warm (low 60s?) after not getting out of the 30s yesterday.  Rain supposedly is on the way and then more cold.  Soup will be for dinner...red lentil and barley, with mushrooms.  More reading this evening.  Not a terrible Sunday.