The Third Act

Crows

I love these guys.  I think they came for the walnuts I'd put on the stump (there was also birdseed).  They wandered around the yard and garden for a while.  It feels special when they visit.  

 

 

 

 

intuitive cooking

I have loads of cookbooks.  They're all really good.  I read them like any other book.  The weird thing is, I rarely follow a recipe to the letter.  If it's baking or something I'm less familiar with, I'll be more exacting.  But usually, no.

I've been cooking a long time.  It's such a wonderful thing to do...like gardening or any other creative effort.  Sometimes it's hard if I'm very tired.  Cooking for one can be emotionally tricky at times as well.  It's a good thing there are almost always leftovers, for those more challenging days.

Yesterday was so very dreary.  It was rainy, gray and cold.  The weather called for soup or stew.  It had been a long time since I made a lentil stew and that sounded good to me.  

Now, I don't have a written recipe for this.  But my ingredient list is:  lentils, mushrooms, onions, garlic, thyme, carrot, parsnip, celery... for seasoning: salt, pepper, soy sauce, nutritional yeast and a splash of balsamic vinegar.  This time, I also added some jarred roasted red pepper (which I had in my fridge from making pizza last weekend) which really made the stew special.  There's olive oil and a little butter as well.  Usually I soak the lentils in hot boiled water for about half an hour or so.  While they're soaking I cook all the veggies in the oil/butter until they're a little browned (maybe with some salt and pepper).  Then I'll add the drained lentils to the mix, sauteing just a bit.  After that, cover with water by an inch or two.  Usually I'll add a bit more salt at this point, and some pepper.  I wait to add the soy sauce, nutritional yeast and vinegar until the end, tasting as I go.  If I have fresh parsley in the garden, I'll add that at the end too...but there isn't any right now.

I have to say, either this turned out exceptionally well this time, or it's just been so long since I had it I'd forgotten how good it can be.

The bowls, by the way, were made by my son for me!

 

 

 

the mild swings of this winter

We've had no snow yet, this winter.  You know...I've mentioned this numerous times.  Occasionally I'll get a little bummed about it.  Then, I'm just grateful it's remaining relatively cold (still above average, though).  

Oddly, there have been mild swings for what seems like a year now.  The weather sites that track and forecast have a graph...for what's predicted and what actually happens.  When I look at the graph for this area, the forecasts seem somewhat even day to day, only changing over time (unless there's a big warm or cold front coming through).  What seems to happen, however, are these swings that just keep taking the temperatures up and down.  It looks like a roller coaster.  It's odd.  Well, maybe it's not odd...I suppose I long for slightly more consistency.

On the sunny days, I can feel my mood shift.  I get myself up and out.  On the gray, rainy days, especially the cold ones like today, I tend to stay hunkered down and in.  I remind myself it's still winter.  I allow myself to dream a bit more.  Needless to say, I've been dreaming about the garden for a while now.  It seems that is where my creative thoughts converge.  I was out yesterday moving around wood chips which was great.  Today, I thought I'd hang the lights on the seed starting rack, but I'm sort of putting that off.  

Interestingly enough, I'm not thinking as much about the garden today.  Today other things are percolating in my brain.  Art, social media presence, how I want to move forward this year in all creative ways.  I need to pace myself with this inner dialogue, because I tend to auto-overwhelm!  But still, I appreciate the energy it brings in.  

The road to health and healing, to satisfying self expression, to a place of inner contentment, is a long one.  There are lots of false starts and two steps forward one step back.  I'm 64 now.  For many years I've thought, "I'm too old to ______"  There has been the weirdest feeling that my life was kind of over ever since my divorce and relocation.  It makes no sense and intellectually I haven't truly believed it.  Yet something deep inside creeps up in this regard.  Last time I saw my therapist, she reminded me that I told her my dad used to always talk about being ready to die (not in a morbid way...or maybe being a kid I just thought that was something that was normal), ever since he was in his 50s.  In fact, I think I remember the number 64 in his musings (his dad died at that age).  He was always ready to "meet his maker."  Anyway, it was interesting to think that I may have internalized this...and now I need to create ways to talk to this part of me with compassion and let it know it doesn't need to do what it does.  I want to tell it that there is a lot more I want and need to do.

 

 

 

this morning...

I ate my breakfast at the dining room table, in the sun, while reading a book.  I have so many books to read.  I'm not a particularly fast reader.  

It was beautiful out today.  Sunny and mild.  I procured some soil for the new bed...but it wasn't enough...it's a big bed!  In the afternoon I filled wheel barrow after wheel barrow with wood chips and made some headway on the paths and edges of the garden.  Given there will be rain tomorrow, I really wanted to get more of this task done.

Now I'm beat.  I'm glad I have leftovers for dinner.

 

 

 

Monday

The sun is peaking out now...there are still high clouds.  Today's temps are supposed to be around 50f so, close to average.  Laundry is going, I have a seed starting shelf to build and perhaps a trip to the nursery for soil/amendments.  

I'm also dipping my toe into trip planning for this year...mainly to visit family.  Florida, California, Wyoming, all of these that will involve plane travel.  For whatever reason, my anxiety gets triggered figuring all this out.  It's like a puzzle but not a fun one.  I mean, it's fine, but that's just something I notice...it's simply how I'm wired.  And the more I do this kind of thing, the less nerve wracking it becomes.  So, it's all good.

I was also thinking this morning...about pain (how's that for a jump?).  Physical pain and emotional pain...they're not that different, are they?  Sometimes healing occurs, but there's a residual sensitivity...it can happen with the body as well as with the emotions.  Sometimes that residual pain can arise with surprising intensity.  I'm learning to address this with tenderness, understanding and compassion.  It does no good to berate oneself with judgement over such things.  We're simultaneously tender yet resilient creatures, aren't we?  

Happy Monday, y'all...I hope you have a lovely week ahead!

 

 

Sunday

It has been a strange, cold, wet, dark Sunday.  Actually, it's been perfect conditions to embrace my inner hag!  

Late rising after an insomnia filled night; fire in the wood stove; cuppa tea; earthy late breakfast of berries, homemade yogurt and ground flaxseed, and a slice of whole rye bread spread with butter and horseradish and sliced hard cooked egg.  The rest of the day has most been taken up with reading The Witch and the Tsar .  Now it's time for leftover pizza and salad for supper.  Crossing my fingers I can sleep tonight.

 

 

 

pizza

It's what was for dinner!  Honestly, I prefer home made pizza to anything else anymore.

 

 

 

 

garden thoughts

Yesterday was full on dismal.  It was gray and drizzly.  However, it wasn't cold enough to use wood for a fire.  So the day ended up a little blah.

This morning the clouds have moved on.  The sun is blindingly bright and there's a very chilly breeze.  Winter remains mild.  

Out in the yard, so many of the naturalized daffodils are getting their growth on.  There are buds here and there.  I tell them to wait a bit, because the cold might actually return.  I'm not sure they listen.  In fact, I'm sure they know better about these things than I do.

Spring is filling my mind.  Seeds have been sorted, new ones ordered, and a couple more gardening infrastructure pieces procured.  My seed starting set up is expanding.  The intent is to really up my gardening game (whatever that means, exactly...not sure) this year.  I've put in a lot of work already so anything new is an add on to my existing system.

It's interesting to see how the garden has evolved over the years.  I don't tend to be a terribly methodical person.  My nature is a bit...intuitive (well, that's the positive spin anyway).  That being said, there's been a bit of wisdom in my methodology.  It has taken this long to see what plants like to be where, and also get a clearer vision of the footprint.  The garden doesn't have the most ideal conditions, mainly with regard to light.  I'm gardening in the midst of many very large trees.  Clear cutting the lot was definitely not an option...my sensibilities wouldn't have that.  Over the years, though, there have been some thoughtful and reasonable removals.  There is just enough light now to get things to grown fairly well...not quite enough for optimum production (as if production was the only reason to garden).  In addition, given our hot summers, having afternoon shade isn't a bad thing.

I'm excited for this year's garden!

 

 

 

seeds

I went through my stash of seeds yesterday, organizing and re-containerizing them.  I threw away empty packets, noting what they were.  I combined some packets, where it made sense.

You'd think with this many seeds I wouldn't need anymore, right?  Well, it's probably true...I probably don't need any more.  And yet...I have a list of chosen ones on the rareseeds website.  

Don't you just love seeds?  What magic potential they hold.  I started almost all my garden plants from seeds last year.  To think that the cucumbers and eggplant and peppers I harvested from three foot tall plants all started with that one little dot.  Amazing.

 

 

quiet

I'm not as inclined to write these days.  Maybe just snippets of the day to day...vignettes of thoughts.  I think I'm looking for quiet, both internally and externally. 

And social media... While I tend to gravitate towards content that's nurturing and enlightening, even listening to folks has gotten to be too much.  I'll start and then just move away...like it takes too much energy to absorb what's offered.  It's as if my nervous system can only process so much.  Perhaps I've just grown more sensitive as I age.  Maybe it's about feeling into the winter.