The Third Act

good morning

 

 

more Instax Mini

While I'd prefer to have the real estate that Instax wide film offers, right now my Instax Mini camera actually allows me more control.  That being the case, I've been experimenting with longer exposures and the bulb setting, to give me the light I need indoors.  I do admit to wasting quite a few little sheets of film...learning curve and all.

The other thing that's driving me to photograph like this, is the current review process of all my old Polaroid work.  What I love most about those is the expression of what was important to me at the time.  There's a sense of loss when I view these old photos.  I aim to bridge the gap between the old and the new and more consciously move into documenting and expressing the now.  Turns out, the same things still touch my heart and are important to me...a sense of home and a nurturing environment and perhaps a little bit of magic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Instax mini

Got some film and took this little instant camera out for a test run.  Well, it was more of a re-learning curve run as I've used it before.  The day was dull, for the better part of it.  Still feeling wintery, although it warmed up later on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

drawings from 2/12 to 3/04

revisiting

Recently I pulled out a good chunk of my collection of Polaroid prints.  There's a photo book meet up I attend once a month, but I hadn't bought any new books recently, so I decided to take some of this work to share.  It was a pleasant surprise to see how well received the small images were.  In fact, the enthusiasm was enough to gain some offered help at editing and perhaps having a collection to show (in some way...this is all very preliminary).  I've rekindled my delight in instant film (now, only Instax is available in my price range, and I may need to get a different camera model that offers a tad more control) after reviewing all this work, prints in hand (which is quite different than looking at the scanned and posted work as it is on Flickr ).

Going through my wooden boxes and drawers that contain all these prints has been a task I've been meaning to address for a while.  It's nice to be finally getting at it.  It's super nice to still feel so much joy in the work.  It's a genre that continues to resonate.  There's an embarrassingly large number of self portraits in this collection.  I say embarrassingly...there's really nothing to be embarrassed about (an issue to work with, perhaps??).  But many of these are interesting and well done (or at least I feel that way...from the most objective position I can take).  I'm trying to figure out how to present a selection (not just the self portraits, all of them) and what makes sense in that presentation.  It's going to deal with a lot of things...but so far the philosophical rhyme and reason is nebulous in my mind.

Regarding most of the peel apart prints, they are on Fuji film (now, sadly, completely discontinued).  But there are a small number on Polaroid film (if you were to ask me which one, I couldn't tell you).  One small pack of prints have aged to a sweet, purpley/brownish gray.  I've done my best to scan them as close to the prints in real life appearance, but my scanner glass needs cleaning (on the inside...which I'm totally intimidated to do) so you'll notice some weird mottling in the darker portions of the images.  I've also made the decision to not edit out the specks and leave the prints on the raw side.

These are from several years ago...perhaps 2011?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

down to the end...

...of the Fuji 3000b that is.  And maybe winter...as well.  It would have been nice to get a really good snow in the last month or two, but now I'm kind of ready for spring.  

Yesterday and today have provided such lovely sunshiney mornings.  I need that.  I've been thinking about what I need and contemplating changes in the upcoming months.  That being said, prudent thought and solid internal guidance requires putting on the brakes a bit, getting the groundwork done.  So...I'm going to start with my art making space, getting stuff gone through, gotten rid of, organized so that when inspiration strikes (or when I deem it necessary to put production in motion) not having the drawing board or table cleared won't be an excuse.

 

 

is it spring yet?

Winter has been a bit of a bust.  We only had one significant snow storm and that was before the calendar start of winter.  That being said, the gray skies have persisted, as have the rains.  And when I refer to gray skies and rains, that goes all the way back to the beginning of last summer.  But the added darkness and gloom to winter just exacerbates things.  Still, there are signs of spring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

life

I recently downloaded all the data from my original Flickr account.  This photo stream was my first foray into online photo sharing and in fact, I came to it simply because to be able to post pictures on my blog, I had to have said pictures stored on the web somewhere.  Anyway, I stayed on Flickr for so much more.  So many of my current relationships formed there, as well as it influencing my own artistic evolution.  But I don't need to two photo streams, now that there's the option to retrieve the data, storing it to use on my personal computer.  Sure, if I'd had had better storage practices, I'd still have all those photos safely in my possession, but I didn't and I'm glad they were somewhere.

The past few days I've been reviewing all my work from this early account (fifteen years ago come November).  I won't go into the absurd details about why I didn't just view them right online (there were a number of things that made that a hassle...to see ALL the work).  I found pictures that I'd forgotten about and nice little surprises.  It also made me long for a time when life felt so much more full of potential and inspiration.  I've been thinking a lot about this and wondering how to regain that sense of delight and joy (and there are a number of reasons why I seem to lack those in my current situation).  Sometimes I have to prime the pump, so here are a couple photos that might be reminiscent of what I shared (on a regular basis) oh so long ago.  I have to say, I don't have anywhere near the light I used to work with, but the idea is the same..."here I am and this is my experience right now."  Maybe it's weird...I don't know...  (and yes...I probably could use a visit by Marie Kondo!)

 

 

lumens

It's good to work on these again, even if I'm using the UV box.  Not that there's anything wrong with a (or would that be "an"?)  UV box...I just prefer the sun.  But the hellebores are blooming nicely and it feels good to be producing something new and tangible again.

I continue to make my daily colored pencil drawings (in fact, I need to get to that next).  I decided to get some watercolor paints and brushes to take some of the drawing ideas to a different medium.  I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to painting so...we'll see.

Snow is in the forecast for tonight...but not much, and turning to freezing rain and then rain during the day tomorrow.  Daffodils are starting to bloom, the peach tree has buds that are showing tiny hints of pink...spring will be here before I know it.

 

 

Sunday February 17

It's the winter doldrums.  All I want is to be back in California.  This is not so much about weather, but about heart.  Every winter here in Virginia, I think, "I'll figure out how to counter this depression, this anxiety, this loneliness."  Every year it's the same.  Which means, I'll pull out of it eventually (based on history).  But do I want to have this experience every winter?  Oy.  It's a good thing I've set myself up with a daily practice (this year, the color pencil drawings), which is at least something that feels approachable and achievable.  I don't like feeling like this...like I don't know where my life is going, like I've failed at...so much really.