The Third Act

good morning from the porch

Hallelujah!  It's finally cooler with lowered humidity today.  The sun is shining making plants sparkle from the rain during the night.  Could it be true?  Could autumn actually be peeking out from the remains of summer?

As I look to my left I see the Japanese maple, still full on green.  But the dogwood just behind it is tinged with yellow and red.  In the distance the oaks, hickories and maples are beginning to mellow as well. 

There's an enormous amount of garden work to be done over the next couple months.  I honestly don't know how I'll get it all done but if I don't, no great tragedy.  The main thing I suppose that has to be done is not let my property be consumed by weeds and tall grass.  The fun stuff, however, requires foundational effort so it'll be a matter of pacing myself.  Perhaps tempting friends with a home cooked meal as a trade for extra muscle might be an option?  Oh yes, and how can I forget there will be several weeks of leaf clean up!  Looking out further, I do hope we get some significant snow this winter.

I adore autumn, though.  It's such a lovely time, romantic in a way...warm, sweet, comforting.  Time to nest and get ready for the dark months.  Time to count blessings.  I suppose any time is a good time to count blessings.

 

 

Autumn has arrived

Warm, humid and rainy.  Gray, but somehow comforting.  The temperature has dropped over the past hour or so with heavier rains.  Tomorrow we should be about ten degrees cooler with the night time getting into the 50s.

Today was a sort of nothing day.  I went to the International Grand Mart and stocked up on produce as well as random purchases of fish sauce and black vinegar.  But tonight I'll eat leftovers...because there is almost always leftovers.

I don't know whether it's the change of seasons or my return to using an SSRI (it's been almost four weeks now) or just loneliness, but I feel so fatigued.  I'm getting all checked out over the next month or so so if there's anything significant health-wise going on, I'll know.  In the mean time I'll just keep being good to myself, keep doing the things that are supportive and comforting.  I want to be creative again and feel that spark coming alive...it's been too long.

 

 

 

 

waiting...

Waiting on the rain, waiting on the coolness, waiting for autumn/colors/tastes/smells, waiting on my knees to feel better, waiting on my spirit to blossom, waiting for some inspiration, waiting on the eruption of the creative force, apparently buried somewhere in my center.  Patience, patience.  Letting go of judgment, of the need to satisfy arbitrary expectations.  There's something good and amazing right here, but it's taking its time.

and (mostly) unrelated...

Have you ever noticed, as the weather cools off towards autumn, the insect sounds change?  How the cicadas finally cease their continuous whine and the cricket chirps become mellow and sweet?  How the chorus diminishes to just a few select players, like everyone is heading home?  

 

 

 

 

 

16 years ago today...

That's the interesting thing about having a long term relationship with a photo sharing site...if you don't remove anything, it's a pretty nifty time capsule.  I can't profess to never removing anything ...although there have been certain posts I've changed to a private setting...but, for better or for worse, I can get a decent overview of my life for the past sixteen years.

It's entertaining to go back x number of years to see what was happening "on this date."  I was doing this with Flickr and my blog long before Facebook started offering a memories option.  So, I see on September 20, 2005 (from my initial photostream on the site, which only covers a couple years) I was having knee problems too (my knees are currently in a cranky phase).  I was thinner, my hair was shorter, I had a home with family and spouse on the west coast.  I don't even think I wore glasses yet then.  Life seemed...settled?  I seemed...content?  Ah, but, that "seem" is an indicator isn't it?  Nothing is ever quite what it seems...or perhaps just more complex than it seems. 

I appreciate looking back, as long as I don't get stuck there.  And I have to say, nostalgia is less and less gripping for me.  I've become better at engaging with and being grateful for the present (despite how sucky the world might be).  I've learned quite a lot, about myself, how I tick, and how to find resources that guide me forward with depth and compassion. 

Sometimes I think, "if only I knew then what I know now" but that's impossible so why even entertain the thought?

 

 

Almost autumn?

It was very warm and humid today.  When I took Avery for a walk in the late morning, I cut it way short.  It's hard to believe autumn is in just a few days.  But that being said, we have had tastes of drier, cooler weather, so it's not far off.  In fact, the weather forecasts show the low temps getting into the mid 50s by the end of the week.  I will dance a dance of autumn joy (okay, maybe not literally, but I know the lower temperatures and humidity will be delightful).

Given the weather (and the fact my knee is being cranky), this turned into and indoor day.  I was feeling pretty lazy (a feeling that I tend to be judgmental towards myself over) so I decided to finally break out the Halloween decorations.  Now, while mid September might seem rather early for putting such things up, for me it's not.  I have been known to get out the pumpkin lights and metal spider candle holders at the beginning of the ninth month of the year.  

I feel well prepared for the upcoming autumn days now...whatever that means.

 

 

 

 

transitions

What better being to illustrate the notion of transitions than a butterfly. 

These are black swallowtail caterpillars.  They're munching on the bronze fennel in the garden.  The fennel replicates quite robustly and is planted primarily for pollinators.  What I don't know is, if after these caterpillars go into the chrysalis stage will they overwinter?  Or will they emerge once more as butterflies for another round before winter sets in?  Given it won't be truly cold here for another couple months, I'm guessing the cycle may be repeated once more this year.

And so, I think about my own transitions.  How many times have I mused on this?  Far too many it seems.  Or maybe my transitions are on such incremental levels, that they're hard to recognize.  I'd like to think that anyway.  

After all, we're continually changing, even if we don't notice.  I just hope my changes are geared towards growth!

 

 

 

 

by their very existence

I watched Fantastic Fungi recently.  What an intriguing documentary!  I've always loved mushrooms, but I'm even more in love with them now.

Walking around my yard I've found a few different specimens.  It hasn't rained in a while, so the discoveries are few.  While I'm normally a forager/gardener type, collecting/growing for food and medicine, I'm starting to view fungi differently.  I mean, it's great to find food or medicine in these organisms, but by their very existence they give me joy.  They have purpose, they have community...I could learn a thing or two from them.

 

 

 

 

chilis

I have no idea why, but my chili plants have produced an abundance of fruits.  The jalapeno plant is nearly as tall as I am and festooned like a Christmas tree with peppers.  Thing is...there are only so many chilis I can use.  Last evening, while sitting on my neighbors' deck with them and their ducks, I found a willing recipient for some of this bounty (not the ducks, the humans).  

The garden has been...or rather continues to be...a work in progress and an educational experiment.  Every year I get a better idea of what plants like to grow where.  There is a running planner in my head of changes to be made and new things to try.  Even while winding up this major growing season, I'm thinking ahead to winter prep for next spring.  There's a lot to do.

I think about purpose quite a bit.  I think about this in the context of contentment in life.  After my kids had gone and my marriage dissolved, I've sort of been floundering in the purpose department.  Part of my purpose has been developing a new life, in a way.  But that has only taken me so far (especially because my heart clings so furiously to familial community).  But the garden gives me purpose.  Art and creativity give me purpose.  Those are the two biggies I'm trying to work with.  I just need to get beyond the self sabotaging thoughts of "nothing I do really matters."  Just like the garden, I'm a work in progress.

 

 

Light shifts...

...the seasons change.  But today...it's hot again.  Still, it feels different. 

I bought a pumpkin at Trader Joe's...first of the season.  By the time Halloween rolls around I've usually amassed at least half a dozen. 

I still haven't pulled out the autumn decorations, though...I think they're buried under two Christmas boxes.  Soon, though, soon.

The dogwood trees are the first to change color.  Green leaves now mottled with red, orange and yellow...a little bit anyway.  Their bright red berries are feeding the birds.

The sun comes up later and goes down earlier.  I've been getting up in the dark on some morning.  And it seems like yesterday sunset didn't happen until near 9pm.  

I'm ready for this change.  The darkness, well, I hold a bit of ambivalence in that regard.  But the cold, bring it on, please!  It won't be long until I'm stacking firewood next to the stove again.

 

 

 

Sunday

I managed to get my yards tidied today.  Mowed front and back and cleared off the patio and walkways.  Oh...yeah...there was a pile of trimmings and weeds I needed to lug to the compost pile out back as well.  Honestly, I sometimes don't know how I complete these tasks.

The heat and humidity are creeping back up for a few days this week.  Today wasn't terrible, yet, so I wanted to get this more intense work out of the way before it reached the 90s again.  That being said, the general trend is going to be cooler and drier.  It's just that there's always some back and forth in the transition month.

The garden is looking slightly weary.  It's actually time to plant fall crops.  Given that I'm going to completely revamp the garden, however, I'm just going to continue to cut things back and pull things out.  Chilis are hanging in there, however.  There is still a multitude of figs on the trees, but I'm not sure if they'll all ripen before the end of the season.  And there are two roselle plants (edible hibiscus) that are actually budding.  Zinnias continue to bloom, late raspberries coming in drips and drabs, and lots and lots of tulsi still growing.

How is September over a week old already?