So, it's been quite some time since I've posted here. The last thing I put up was an embedded video of me making coffee cake. Somehow, however, whatever I embedded kept showing my newest video on YouTube, therefore I deleted the post. *sigh* Technology is just not always my friend (and I'll readily admit that I'm short on patience regarding it).
But here I am. Still alive and kicking...still working on my house (yes, there's another gallon of paint in my utility room, but motivation has been lacking where that's concerned). The herb plants that a few wonderful friends gave me are doing well in the front yard and that's incredibly happy making. While there is still more artwork to hang, what I'm living with at the moment is very satisfying. My neighbors remain wonderful and I'm meeting new people, little by little. I even took a brief trip up to DC area over July 4th. Sadly, the lab botched my color negatives, but I did manage to save (and am pleased with) the one to the left. I guess all that is just to say that, well, I'm living my life.
Since the holiday at the beginning of the month, I did have a few very challenging weeks. The good news is that it spurred me on to find support. Living day after day *mostly* sad, with regular bouts of profuse tears is really, really, not comfortable. Part of my issue is that I expect to be "okay" by now. In reality, I've only been living this new life for a couple months...after 27 years (mostly happy, and, for me, still generally contented) of that which was previous (even now I feel the knot in my throat when I write that). Seeking a support system is going to be critical, so that's my task...and allowing that I'll probaby continue to feel lost and lonely, missing my old home and proximity to my kids, for some time.
Making art...and finding a way to support myself...those are other parts of the puzzle to figure out. The daily 365 pinhole sp project continues. Some color film is being worked with. There's a box sitting at my feet with cyanotype sensitizer in it as well. Now, pushing into this work even when I don't feel like it might just be something I have to do...as if priming a pump. Gainful employment or gigs might be a bit trickier, but I'm dipping my toe into networking. For an introvert, I actually do pretty well at extending myself to people I don't know, or don't know well.
Perhaps this is my great big adventure. In fact, I know it is...I just need to allow it may not feel like that for a while yet. Well meaning folks will reiterate that to me, tell me how well I'm doing and express admiration for what I've accomplished thus far...and for that, I'm grateful. Somewhere inside, though, the hurt is still rather raw and tender. One of these days I'll be able to see this differently, more positively and with great curiosity, fueling my creative juices. I have to believe this.
Below is an image from the botched set of negatives. It's from my last day in CA. For some reason, this one, in all its effedupness, is a perfect goodbye...
