The holidays are past and it's already the second day of 2017. It's been a little while since I last posted and while I have a number of photos documenting the holiday celebrations out west, I'm going to focus on moving into the fresh space of a new year.
I will say that my trip to spend time with family and friends was quite lovely. It was wonderful to visit with everyone and to get a dose of my old stomping grounds. That being said, these returns to the scene of my old life remain a balancing act. The situation is at once familiar, yet with an alien twist...I am there, yet not there. For the most part, I could fold up and place into emotional drawers in my psyche, those things that felt confusing...and plan to pull them out on the next therapist visit! Realizing that I looked forward to returning to my current home was a good thing. I'd worried that it would be overly difficult to leave everyone again.
So now I'm slowly returning to my experience as I know it. I actually unpacked and put away all my clothes immediately (yay me!). I've been addressing the tasks needed for some work that will be going out to a couple shows. I got my new fire pit for the back yard and set it up for New Year's morning. Paid bills, grocery shopped, yada yada. I would've gone out to do some minor winter gardening today but it's been raining. In other words, I'm moving forward despite my emotions somewhat mirroring the outdoor temps...up and down.
My birthday is in a couple days. Fifty-eight years. Strange. I decided to throw myself a party this year. It feels...awkward, which is part of the reason I'm keeping myself from canceling. There's no reason to cancel, even if I feel like I don't deserve a party. This is my internal dialogue, by the way. It's not rational (and it's one of the core reasons I continue with therapy!). A couple of my cousins are coming down, a couple of my friends are joining in, and even if just those four or five people were here to celebrate my birthday, that would be something for me. We'll see if I can show them a good time!
Here are a few photos from California...
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