Didja miss me?? I jest, I jest. It was a whirlwind weekend for Mother's Day. Hard to believe I was on a plane heading west at exactly this time last week. Well, technically I was headed southwest to Atlanta and then would be traveling slightly north and west on the plane I boarded from there...but...I digress.
Earlier in that week it hit me that my mom would be spending Mother's Day without any of her kids. In addition, I would be doing the same in Richmond Virginia. While not an inexpensive or quick solution (eight plus hours traveling in each direction), it felt right and good to find a flight and head to the bay area. It was a good choice. Mom was happy. I was happy. It was a pleasure to be of service, have some time with one of my own offspring and be in the place that feels so much like home. And there in lies the rub.
It's a strange headspace...this in between homes sort of thing. Over time, though, it's becoming more normal to feel this way. Why do I judge it so? It is what it is. At some point, relaxing into the complexity of emotions, not resisting yet not overly indulging, is becoming, well, slightly easier. And you know, life is short. If an opportunity arises to feel connected and enjoy an experience, why sully that in any way? Not only is life short, it's weird and it's entertaining, and it can lead to self discovery and personal evolution. I say this all while feeling a little bit more centered and grounded after my return.
Leaving the bay area is typically emotionally mixed. While I know I'll feel good in my own space, my own home, with my dog, I'm leaving people and a place I love, far away. If the weather is delightful, as it was when I was there, it has a stronger impact (gardening in the sunshine...with no mosquitoes? what paradise!). Upon this return, my unsettledness or unbalance was more noticeable than usual (for a variety of reasons). I had to find a way to ground. First of all, my neighborhood is beautiful, and in fact Richmond is quite a lovely city with lots going for it. Okay, I could connect to that. Secondly, my home and garden are big touchstones. I went grocery shopping, I worked in the yard, I allowed myself some time to nest and sink back into this reality. Last evening I returned to the mat at aikido, another very good balancing practice. Today is Friday, and while I'm still a little wobbly, I keep taking the steps. The garden in particular I'm returning to over and over, as if the little roots of all the plants out there, energetically pulling me back into place.
I still have fantasies about returning to live out west. I allow those thoughts and ideas to circulate and percolate. It's not out of the question, but would just take some work. Who knows? But in the mean time, this is a safe, creative and nurturing situation and that is something for which to be incredibly grateful.
a lovely view to wake up to...
generation before and after me :)
Point Isabel, my shadow and Henry the dog (Matt's new charge)!
a peony I planted at the old house (Matt's place)...
a gorgeous hike on Mother's Day with the crew...
Julian (my son) and I on Mother's Day...
aaaannnddd...back home at Baba Yaga's house ;)
nigella...
day lily...
poppy...
Avery getting a good roll in out front...
a small harvest from the garden...
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