The Third Act

november 30

Watched the sun rise in Long Beach...still on east coast time. All I want to do now is get home, but it’s gonna be a long day...

 

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november 29

moving, changing, evolving...nothing stays the same

 

 

 

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november 28

Travel day...

 

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november 27

I am not-so-frantically yet still unsettledly, getting ready for my trip to California tomorrow.  My mom's funeral is Thursday and I'm coming home Friday.  A quick turnaround on a cross country trip is certainly not my norm.  It's giving me the option, however, to pack light and only take what I'm going to need and use.  At the moment I'm struggling to get a little slideshow of my mom's life to write onto a disc (I won't bore you with the details!).  I need to get Avery out for a walk...and to breathe for a bit... 

(Holga images from my trip a few weeks ago in Alexandria)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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november 26

In another day and a half, I'll be experiencing this view again...

 

 

 

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november 25

The sun is shining brightly this morning.  The rain and clouds have moved on for now.  I have to get my head around the fact that tomorrow is Monday and on Wednesday, well before dawn, I'll be heading out to the airport.  Three days gone but only one full day on the ground, saying a formal goodbye to my mom.

It's weird...she doesn't feel gone.  Of course she hasn't completely left us, living on in memory and in the cells of her offspring.  But I do think about her, when I haven't thought about her for a little while, and then there's that funny feeling in my gut, recognizing that her physical presence is no longer on this plane.

My mom had lived over 100 years.  That's a long time.  In the grand scheme of things, though, that's a blip.  When I sit here in this moment contemplating her life, everything she experienced is gone in seconds.  Then I think of my own life and it will be the same.  I've thought on occasion, this is why I create...to leave something.  Whether or not it's recognized or appreciated by anyone else, there's something about the act of creation that feels linked in some way to immortality, to connection, to the fundamental give and take of energy that's the foundation of this existence.

I got back several rolls of color film I'd been collecting, from the lab.  Various cameras were used, but mostly they're pinholes and toy cam images.  I did take the long neglected Isolette out for a spin, although I realized I didn't recognize the kind of film that had been in there.  That said, there are indeed images on the negatives.  I can tell I'm out of practice.  My exposures are off, making scanning (with my clumsy use of VueScan) and post processing frustrating.  My spirit has been low and it shows when I push myself to create...but I know I need to do that!  I totally believe in priming the pump...however long it might take before inspiration starts to flow.

 

 

 

 

 

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november 24

It's a cool, rainy Saturday.  Saturday?  Yeah, that's right...I always lose track of the days around a holiday.  The weather is perfect for indoor tasks...putting away the autumn decorations, breaking out some of the winter ones and offloading files from my computer to the external drive.  No, it's not exciting, but all the more reason to appreciate the gray wetness for guiding me into mundane actions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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november 23

So...I don't know.  I'm in a weird stasis state.  Next week I'll be jetting out to California for my mom's funeral services and perhaps that's what has me feeling slightly stuck.  It's a good excuse anyway, right?

Today it's very chilly out...not quite 40F.  Avery and I still had a good walk.  It's lovely to come back to the warmth of a wood stove.  I did work out in the garden just a tad.  The last of the pepper plants are cut down.  The tomato cages will do double duty this year...I've turned them upside down and will wrap them in white lights to create a mini Christmas tree forest (that's right...there aren't enough trees around here).  I held myself back from going out to purchase the lights today, however.  They'll be there tomorrow.

As far as art related work goes, I've been doing some research on magnets for hanging works on paper.  So...there's that.  Sadly, I've been completely uninspired where photography is concerned.

The holiday was weird.  I was alone, which makes me melancholy.  But I did cook up a nice meal for myself and there are leftovers...hurray!  I definitely rode the waves yesterday.  There's a weird thing that occurs, which is I seem to be simultaneously feeling all the emotions of loneliness and disconnect, yet at the same time having the realization that it's actually a good learning experience.  A lot of ups and downs.

 

 

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november 22

Happy Thanksgiving my friends!  My your day be a lovely one.  May you have a roof over your head, food in your cupboards and loved ones with whom to share.

 

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november 21

I'm grateful....for more autumn color and watching the leaves float down from the trees.  For a nice pile of wood next to the stove, ready for the cold Thanksgiving day tomorrow.  For clean flannel sheets on the bed and a tidy house in which to enjoy the holiday.  For food in my cupboards and the pleasure I'll take in cooking a little feast for myself.  For my family and my friends.  For my little doggo Avery.  For the Desk Set and Miracle on 34th Street DVDs which I'll put on to play while I cook in the morning.  For my heart and my emotions and my creative spirit, even when they overwhelm me.  For warm memories of holidays past and bright hopes for more to come.

 

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