The sun is shining brightly this morning. The rain and clouds have moved on for now. I have to get my head around the fact that tomorrow is Monday and on Wednesday, well before dawn, I'll be heading out to the airport. Three days gone but only one full day on the ground, saying a formal goodbye to my mom.
It's weird...she doesn't feel gone. Of course she hasn't completely left us, living on in memory and in the cells of her offspring. But I do think about her, when I haven't thought about her for a little while, and then there's that funny feeling in my gut, recognizing that her physical presence is no longer on this plane.
My mom had lived over 100 years. That's a long time. In the grand scheme of things, though, that's a blip. When I sit here in this moment contemplating her life, everything she experienced is gone in seconds. Then I think of my own life and it will be the same. I've thought on occasion, this is why I create...to leave something. Whether or not it's recognized or appreciated by anyone else, there's something about the act of creation that feels linked in some way to immortality, to connection, to the fundamental give and take of energy that's the foundation of this existence.
I got back several rolls of color film I'd been collecting, from the lab. Various cameras were used, but mostly they're pinholes and toy cam images. I did take the long neglected Isolette out for a spin, although I realized I didn't recognize the kind of film that had been in there. That said, there are indeed images on the negatives. I can tell I'm out of practice. My exposures are off, making scanning (with my clumsy use of VueScan) and post processing frustrating. My spirit has been low and it shows when I push myself to create...but I know I need to do that! I totally believe in priming the pump...however long it might take before inspiration starts to flow.
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