The Third Act

december 31

Another year is coming to a close.  We're spending New Year's Eve in quiet...maybe contemplation (who am I kidding? I'm always contemplating something!).

I returned to darkroom monitor sessions today.  There wasn't anyone to use the facilities, so I took the opportunity to tidy up, mop the floor and get the work surfaces freshly cleaned.  I also did some drawing.  The day was gray, rainy and cool.  Supposedly through the night we'll be warming up significantly, which will feel kind of weird but I've sort of gotten used to these fluctuations.

Although my holiday isn't entirely over, with my birthday trip out to California in a few days, starting back into a routine feels grounding.  

Happy New Year, friends!

 

 

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december 30

2018 is winding to a close.  It's that time of year when I (like so many others) take a moment to reflect on the past twelve months.  That time seems to pass with an ever increasing pace as I age.  And speaking of aging...I turn 60 in less than a week!!  What a trip.

So...this year...  I produced a lot of physical work (which allows me an opportunity to show in a month or so...more on that as the weeks go by) (also, n/y intention...more of the same!).  I continued to shoot film and even print a little bit in the darkroom (n/y intention....more darkroom printing!).  I put myself out into the world more (which has been slowing increasing over the past couple years...n/y intention, more of the same).  I made a little bit of money, here and there (n/y intention, more of the same).  I managed to save a little bit of money (or at least not dip into savings), owing to my knack for frugality (n/y intention, be frugal but also spend on what feeds my soul when appropriate).  I did not date (n/y intention is neutral in this regard).  My awareness of friendship, in all its variations, has grown and with that my appreciation for what is currently in my life (n/y intention, get some of these folks over for dinner and socializing).  I did volunteer work (n/y intention, more of the same).  My emotional life was a bit of a roller coaster, but the year is ending with that in a place of better understanding and broader thinking.  My meditations floundered because of said roller coaster (n/y intention, get back on that horse...which is a kind and compassionate one).  I continued to practice Aikido with as much consistency as possible (n/y intention, more of the same...but get into a routine and seek modalities to alleviate pain and limitations).  I expanded my garden (n/y intention, definitely more of the same!).  The year is finishing up with a sense of connection to those I hold most dear in my life.  My mother is now gone (that's a 2018 biggie)  from this plane, so knowing my family is out there with care and love in their hearts is especially comforting.  I have come to the realization, that my self narratives have been rather skewed (n/y intention, align my narratives with the truth of who I am).

I'm sure over the next day I'll think of other 2018 reflections.  It was a tough year in many regards.  At the same time, it was also a year for accelerated growth.  Perhaps that's just life in general.  Nothing is as linear as I'd like it to be, but being okay with that is an accomplishment.  Wishing you all the best in 2019...may you be safe, may you be content, may you be strong, may you live your life with ease.  Blessings!

 

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december 29

There are narratives about myself, that have been ingrained in my consciousness...for a very long time.  They loom over my shoulder, telling me this and that.  It has taken some time, to understand the erroneous nature of these stories.  It's been interesting to come to the realization in certain instances, that what I tell myself and in fact, what I may say to others, couldn't be further from the truth.  

Self growth, evolution and cultivation aren't linear.  Those stories will surely balloon again in the future.  It's helpful to get a foothold, however, in correcting the thought patterns.  

 

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december 28

Avery and I are on our own again.  I dropped my son, the last of the Christmas visitors, at the airport this afternoon.  Such a lovely, wonderful, satisfying holiday this was.  It's a bit melancholic to see it conclude, but I'm happy to have had the opportunity for a fabulous visit, that my kids have good lives to return to, and that I get to see them again in a week in California.  What a blessing to have such beautiful people in my life.  How fortunate to feel their connection and love.

In the mean time, the house is returning to normal with linens in the laundry, boxes going into recycling, and so on and so forth.  I'm going to give myself the evening off (well, after the laundry finishes), then tomorrow map out the weeks to come on a giant calendar sheet.  There's a lot happening in the next several weeks.  I'm looking forward to the start of a new year.

 

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december 27

Last full day with family holiday visitors...

Checking out the ICA with Julian.

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december 26

I'm not sure where to begin...but that's really not important.  This has been one of the loveliest Christmas holidays I've experienced in many years.  Having my children and son in law here, has been beyond delightful.  We've had such a lovely time, talking and sharing.  I'm blessed with compassionate, thoughtful and wise kids. 

 

 

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december 25

it was a great Christmas...

 

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december 24

Merry Christmas Eve!!

 

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december 23

we are all here together now

 

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december 22

I'm tired and sore and beat.  But I'm practically giddy that I'll be with my kids tomorrow night and celebrating Christmas at my home with them.  Right now, a g & t by the fire, then supper, then to bed early.

 

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