The Third Act

Another hot day...

...but it should be cooling off (a bit) after this.  

My current book project is giving me trouble.  Or should I say...there's been user error with the software, I think.   A long detour is being taken, but that's okay since it offers an opportunity for more thought towards what I'm doing.

Five rolls of color film are now off for processing.  It's been long enough that I'm not sure what's on all of them.  That's the way it goes right now.  There are another four rolls of black and white to process here at home, and if I can get at least two of those into a tank today, I'll consider that progress.

The garden continues to do its thing.  It's kind of amazing that it's not quite June and I'm already cutting plants back/pulling things out, as other plants come online in their blooming.  The ephemeral nigella is just about all gone to seed pods (which are rather interesting, and alien like, in themselves).  The chamomile is a bit tired as well.  I've been crushing up the little seed heads, hoping for new sprouts.  Cucumbers are starting to produce, tulsi is finally popping up everywhere, and arugula is starting to bolt.  It never stops, which is fascinating to observe.

 

 

May 28

Memorial Day weekend has come and gone and it sure feels like summer is here. I’m gearing up (psyching myself?) for a productive season art wise, even if I’m not exactly sure what that means yet. I’ve got another book (magazine to be specific) project in the works, but really want to get back to physical work...prints and mixed media pieces. That being said, my intention is to be assigning priority number one to that effort and arranging my life accordingly.

Clearly, based on the images below, I’m continuing with my instant film efforts, taking those in a direction that entwines that natural world (mostly my cultivated garden) and my spirit. When I feel at my lowest and not sure where I’m headed with this existence, I try to distance myself from that anxiety by diverting that energy into creating...sometimes madly. Most of the time it’s extremely helpful (as is working with the garden).

I just passed my five year anniversary of moving into BabaYaga’s house (aka, my home in Richmond). Five years gone in what feels like no time. I’m still adjusting...perhaps that’s just the new normal, always adjusting. I still mourn the loss of my marriage, of the intimacy (in a variety of ways) of what domestic companionship can offer. So I create and reach out, as best a self driven introvert can, and seek internal guidance as to what comes next. I’d love to have a companion again, but the older I get the more elusive that situation seems.  I think about trying dating sites or apps again, but then remind myself of all the other ways I want to spend my energy. I won’t turn my back on a promising relationship if it comes to me by grace, but I have no desire to actively seek it out either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

prelude to summer

The temperature is supposed to creep up to 90F today.  At 2pm it's right around 88F, so I see no reason why it won't top out at at least the forecast high.  It's humid too.  Last night I didn't open the house, which is atypical.  I think the low was in the 70s and opening things up would have done no good.  So, today feels like summer.  We had our walkies early and aside from taking some Instax photos of the garden this morning, I've been inside scanning and editing more archived Polaroids for another Blurb project (in addition to the ongoing Instaxes) ...and staying cool.

 

 

 

 

 

surrealism

I've been thinking about this.  I've been wondering if accepting surrealism as a personal philosophy would help diminish my anxiety.  Sounds weird, huh?  Part of what makes me anxious, is sometimes bumping up against my own headspace that feels, well, surreal...not grounded in a static form of reality.  So I think, "what if I just accept that quite a lot of life offers surreal experiences, especially for someone who is highly imaginative and prone to hypnogogic reverie?"  Needless to say, that doesn't preclude actual therapy and practices to calm body and mind...  

And with that thought, I dug out some old work...

 

 

a day away from home...

I was up in northern VA Sunday, to see Eddie Izzard at the Warner theater.  What a delight!!  I love him!

Since I got up there early, I checked into my hotel and spent a good bit of time wandering around with cameras.  Here's a little collection from my Instax mini (I'm totally digging the multi exposure feature...obs)...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

kinda like this...

...boxed up, behind glass, seeing potential but not feeling the ability to realize it.

It's been a lot...returning from what was home to what is now home...that sense of isolation once again.  But I'm tired with all the ruckus around tree limbs falling and power out...and the subsequent anxiety that always ramps up around these things.  Try as I might to put a positive spin on it, it doesn't take much to tip me over into that other head space.  In my current life, I wonder if I've simply bitten off more than I can chew.  At the same time, I accept that life is what it is.

Right now, it's time for a shower after working in the yards for a few hours.  I have to say, there's always a sense of satisfaction, at least, with that endeavor.  Making art and working with the plants...those are my saving graces.

 

tea and burning sage on the porch this morning...

that week went fast...

Just seven days ago I was hanging out with my sister, looking forward to the weekend with the whole family.  Three thousand miles and a day or two past now...I'm back home.  It was lovely...it's always lovely to be with them all.  I'm still learning to enjoy the moments together, without clinging to some rose colored view of the past.  Everyone is grown now...I'm still still growing (well, we all are really).  deep breath

How many packs of Instax mini film did I blow through?  It's too easy!  I really like the little Lomo'instant I have (gift from Julian!), even though I still don't have all my exposure understanding dialed in.  While I prefer the larger footprint of the wide film, this camera is a lot more convenient to schlep around (particularly when I have my Zero and Holga packed along as well).  An Instax wide film camera (with more controls) is still in my future when funds are available.  In the mean time, there are plenty other things to keep me busy!

 

 

 

 

Great affection...

fennel and salt air

great affection for this place

bet you could tell, right?

 

slow going...

I should be packed by now...and my house cleaned.  But I keep putting it off because, hey, there's time.  Truth is, there is time, but I have historically been all about getting ready really early.  This time, however...right now...I've gone through a few Instax mini scans of my garden readying them to post.  After this, I'll carry all my photography related items upstairs to pack my carry on bag (along with whatever I need to entertain myself over the several hours it takes to get to California).  And then...I'll pack my clothes (half of which I already have folded and laid out).  Will I sleep tonight?  Who knows?!

 

 

 

 

May 5

Last week offered a good stretch of sunshine...up to and including yesterday.  It was time to pull out the digital and the 50mm lens and start this season's worth of garden documentation.  I have been Instagramming the garden, but it's not the same...or maybe it is, I don't know.  Anyway, here are some photos of garden progress, plus a few from this dark, green, wet Sunday morning. 

It's cooler out...more seasonal I suppose.  It felt good to have my tea, while listening to the rain and sending blessings to all those I hold dear in my heart.  I've been having a hard time getting myself on the cushion lately, so this was a good way to get some practice in.