The Third Act

Halloween...Instax mini style...

The wind is still howling out there, but the temps have yet to drop.  That cold front is coming, though, and for that I'm grateful.  Aside from the temperatures, it was a lovely, moody, Halloween day.  The sky was often brooding, the colored leaves swirling and the trees swaying in the gusts.  I would usually be to bed by now, but that wind...I'm waiting for it to die down a bit before I go upstairs.  What better way to put some time to use than scan and post pictures of the day, taken with my Lomo Instant, which uses the mini Instax film (still saving up to buy the larger format model).  Sadly, I was out of practice and wasted a lot while finagling my exposures in the dim light today.  But all's well that ends well and I'm pleased with these...

 

 

 

 

 

 

ancestors

It's that time of year, when the ancestors call...or we call them.  Was that why I was inspired to return to this project?  Maybe.  Maybe it was just that I had that very last pack of Fuji 100B film and wanted to do something interesting with it. Maybe a little bit of both.

 

 

 

 

last of the last

I don't know why, but something reminded me there just might be one more pack of instant film (peel apart) in my cupboard.  The packs I'd been using recently had been so old, they weren't feeding through the camera right, so I was only marginally hopeful about this last discovery.  It truly is the last of the last of my peel apart film (unless someone wants to donate some expired stuff to me??).

I loaded my camera and made a test shot and...yippee!  While the image itself wasn't very compelling, the film worked.  I proceeded to make a few longer exposures and got some ideas for what I want to do with the rest of the pack (and for a pinhole series).  Old habits were kicking in and holding myself back from using up all the film at once was a bit of a challenge.  Long gone are the days of inexpensive instant film (well, Instax is very affordable).

This experience, I have to say, makes me feel like getting myself set up with instant film would be a good way for me to work out of my creative doldrums (at least where photography is concerned).  It's been a long time since I've felt the drive that comes from a place that must emerge organically.  I've made a little money from dog walking and am considering getting one of the Lomo cameras that use the wide Instax film.  I like the mini camera I have with similar features.  As a matter of fact, the idea must have really seeped into my consciousness because I dreamt of going out to buy film!

 

 

first of the season...

The temperatures have been dipping down into the 40's at night.  Daytime temps have been in the 60's for a couple days.  Consequently, the house has been getting progressively cooler.  At night it's been fine since I put the flannel sheets on the bed and with the regular comforter (haven't switched to down yet) I've been quite comfortable.  But this morning, it felt just a tad chilly inside.  Instead of switching on the furnace, I decided to fire up the wood stove for the first time this season...and it's wonderful!

Whether it's the fact that it finally feels like autumn, or just a seasonal change in general (it happens in the spring too), there's a rush of lovely energy.  It makes me want to do things!  There's a sense of optimism and hope, even if the general trend is to make things cozy and go more within into the oncoming darkness.  Whatever it is, I'll take it.

 

 

 

 

out back

It's funny how I'm thinking an indication of feeling better, feeling more myself, is the fact that I went out back and cut up kindling today.  The large limb that fell from an oak at the back of my property (and knocked out power for several hours) has been languishing all through the summer.  Hot and humid and gross, on top of an usually taxing emotional season, left me hunkered indoors much of the time.  And when the body doesn't feel whole and hearty, it makes things even more challenging.  But the weather has finally turned autumn like.  With the delivery of firewood this week, I was finally motivated to get out there and get something done. 

I've been ruminating on a pinhole series lately, but not ready to forge ahead.  Looking over some of my old Flickr photos, I was inspired to bring out the digital slr to run through some thoughts, once I finished cutting up wood (for the day...still lots more out there!).  While the light here still doesn't compare (in my opinion) to what I experienced in California, autumn does a good job and helping it come close.

 

 

 

 

 

autumn...at last

Today was gray and cool.  The forecast is finally keeping us closer to seasonal temperatures.  Hallelujah!!  It's been a long time coming this year.

Typically I'm not a fan of gray days, but mostly when they follow one another for many days in a row.  Today, however, the gray was welcome.  The house feels cozy.  The light is dim, yet warm inside.  We had our walkies, Avery and I, and I had gotten out earlier for a little dog walking gig.  It's breezy and just a tad rainy, although not nearly enough in that regard.  The leaves got wet enough to brighten up their drab brown (so far, a colorful fall is questionable given the drought).  All in all, though, my spirits are lifted by this seasonal change.

I'm still hunkered down and being a hermit.  It's hard to say how long that will last.  With many aspects of life at this point, patience seems to be the best course to take.  I'm okay enough and I'm grateful for that.

I pulled out my old copy of The Artist's Way.  A friend on YouTube mentioned the book in one of her videos, which was timely for me.  I don't believe I ever read it all the way through, or if I did I didn't take the exercises very seriously.  If I recall, at the time it felt like I was forcing myself to do the work and I allowed distraction in.  Now, however, my life is very different than before and I'm actually enthusiastic about the process.  Again...patience.

 

 

 

hermitting

That's what's been my m.o. this, oh, what?  Past month or so?  It's out of character in some ways (in other ways, no).  Blogging and at least uploading to Flickr on the regular has been my norm.  But sometimes norms change for a variety of reasons.  

I've been conserving my energy for some deep healing.  This has...been a year.  I'm giving myself the chance to do just what feels like it either absolutely needs to be done...or I'm notably moved to do.  That being said, I haven't picked up a regular camera in at least a couple weeks.  I've continued to work on my daily drawings, but not more painting as yet (although I did prepare a paper today).  I have a pinhole project in mind, but the time isn't right.

I've come to realize that as much as I'd like to think I was processing my emotions and taking care of my physical body, a lot was not given the kind of attention and ministrations that have been required.  What I've experienced in the past several years has been a challenge to move through...the grief has stuck hard.  Day in and day out I would "rise above" relying on nervous energy, with no real substance to back that up.  It all comes home to roost.  But I'm grateful I have the opportunity to finally, and in a focused and caring way, do the work that needs to be done.