The Third Act

don't be fooled...

...by the gray skies and green, green foliage.  Sure, it looks like it should feel pleasant out there.  And in fact, for the first block or two you might tell yourself, "it's not so bad today".  But by the time you have a half mile under your feet, you notice the air pressing heavy against you and that first layer of sweat condensing, just about ready to start dripping down your limbs. You might think, "well, I'm sure I'll get accustomed to this at some point"...but, you never do.  And you'll get home, overheated and blanketed with a salty wet film (on top of that now slippery coating of bug repellent) and lay in front of a fan hoping to find some level of comfort again.  Thoughts of autumn foliage and chilly air greeting you in the morning come to mind...even snow...wouldn't that be lovely?  But for now the summer of 2020 lumbers on, seemingly going nowhere.

 

 

plants and people...

We can both survive, even in less than ideal conditions.  But to thrive, we have to somehow get all our needs met.  

My garden and I...it's not the greatest time for thriving right now.  But, we keep plugging along, staying as productive as possible.

 

 

mushy brain

I don't know...might even be mushy body.

The past few days I've been doing a small painting gig in my neighborhood.  This is not the typical task I've been asked to do by my sometimes-employer.  When she first posed the job, I thought, "Sure...that doesn't sound too bad."  When I got into it though, the phrase, "I'm too old for this shit" occurred rather often.  I did get it done, so there's a feather in my cap...I suppose.  Clearly, I'm not actually "too old for this shit" although I may feel it.

Getting out to work early...like before the sun gets to shine on my old lady body...helped.  But, the sun moves and as soon as those rays hit me...in this intensely humid and hot period...I had to go on auto pilot to proceed with the work.  I would never have guessed, that just a couple hours out in these conditions, doing manual labor, could so thoroughly wipe me out.  Add to that, I didn't sleep much last night because after dinner I got a call about another (more technical) work task and my mind would not turn off.  Oy.  So when I came home after completing the "painting of the shed" (as it shall come to be known) I was good for very little.  The garden needed water so I moved the sprinkler around, every time coming inside to collapse in the recliner watching appropriately timed YouTube videos, before changing the watering area.  Mush brain and body for me this afternoon.

I have another cyanotype to watercolor, but anything creative is going to need to wait.  I'm supposed to be recording my dreams to use as a prompt for my next writing assignment, but I'm too tired to remember them.  I feel sad and angry and frustrated...arrgh. On the plus side, those emotions are very informative.  This (ALL of this) too shall pass...I hope!

 

 

Avery greets the dawn...

My mornings seem to start earlier and earlier.  I don't know why, but my natural waking time has dialed back to 4:30am the past few days.  It's okay...there are things I need to get out and do before it gets intolerably hot and humid.  

 

 

 

in the garden...late July

When there's nothing else to share, when my brain doesn't want to write, when my emotions feel spent, when I'm just working to keep my balance...there's always the garden.  There's always something interesting or beautiful to experience.

Another week of hot hot hot.  Well, towards the end of the week it may cool off mildly...maybe some storms.  But right now...oof.

 

 

 

 

 

 

dog days

The heat and humidity are whipping my ass.  It's been pretty gross out here in the mid-Atlantic for at least two weeks now.  When I titled this post "dog days" I didn't realize just how accurate that was!  From the interwebz:  "To the Greeks and Romans, the “dog days” occurred around the day when Sirius appeared to rise just before the sun, in late July. They referred to these days as the hottest time of the year, a period that could bring fever, or even catastrophe."  So yeah...

I've established my early morning walking routine and have been able to keep that habit.  If I don't get out early, I know I just won't get out for a good walk.  Anything extra (as in, short, sniffy, Avery walkies) just gets me more steps in.  The challenge comes later, when I want to get anything else done!  That walk, and what it takes out of me, make me want to sleep the rest of the day (well, that's an exaggeration, sure...but I'm not exactly filled with energy and enthusiasm).  I was born and bred in the far less than humid west...and that part of me just says, "fuck this nonsense!"  

But...here we are...maintaining.  Covid times linger and we don't know when that will change significantly.  I miss my peeps...the fam...the Pacific...and I don't know when I can go visit again.  So...we wait and do our best...me and Avery.

 

 

work

It's been forever since I produced any physical artwork.  I feel overwhelmed in a lot of ways.  I mean, I'm maintaining and doing well for circumstances, but the overwhelm is still right there just under the surface.  Making art under pressure or in the midst of emotional turmoil has never been my m.o.  Sometimes, though, the motivation starts and I just have to push through and see if I can ride it to the end.

I'm a bit out of practice and trying new things.  These give me ideas for future work.

(these are all 18 x 24 inches)

 

her trees...wet cyanotype with leaves from the yard...watercolor background

 

two kinds of mugwort...wet cyanotype with California mugwort and common mugwort...watercolor background

 

2020 so far...cyanotype (pinhole and Holga negatives)...watercolor wash

bedfellow

Loneliness is my bedfellow.  For 25 years I slept next to someone.  It was a profound adjustment to get comfortable with that empty space.  

On one hand, I can toss and turn all I need without the concern of disturbing someone else.  I have complete (human) silence to blanket my nights.  On the other hand, that void of slumber companionship provides a lot of fodder for midnight reflections...that aren't always productive.  The darkness in my room can exacerbate the feelings of separation/separateness in my heart.

I've gotten used to it...all of it.  If the niggling thoughts and emotions happen to be particularly active, they're allowed to do their thing.  If they make me cry, so be it, because that's okay too.  Mostly, my sleep has improved since I've regulated and increased my daily activity and waking patterns.  It's nice to sleep more soundly, if not always enough.  And I often wonder now, if I could even sleep with another person again.  

 

 

 

Yunnan tea

...that was my choice for this morning.  It has no meaning necessarily...other than it was one of a number of options in my cupboard.  I vary teas by the day...or every other day.  My mood and sometimes the environmental conditions are what guide me in one direction or another.

It's very sultry outside.  The sky is shrouded in clouds.  Despite that fact, there are a couple panels of cyanotypes exposing in the light.  It's been forever since I made a cyanotype.  It's been forever since I had dinner with another human being.  The two really don't have much to do with each other, though.

 

 

 

motley

Summer bouquet from the garden.

It finally rained last night, which was wonderful.  Looks like we may catch something again this evening.  Still very hot out, though.

In other news...I finally coated some paper for cyanotypes...it's been...forever.