I have mixed feelings about Mother's Day. It seems like an invention to serve a commercial intent (edit: the original intent was not what the day has morphed into, actually). On the other hand...as a mother myself...I've always enjoyed being acknowledged for my contribution to the lives of others. On the other hand I'm painfully aware of my shortcomings on that front...which were probably at least partially affected by my own mother's limitations. Oh...it's a mixed bag for sure.
Last week my son visited. At some point in the coming months, I hope to travel out west and see my daughter and son-in-law. I have to say, I love being with my kids. These two have grown into such wonderful humans...smart, creative, thoughtful. I'm actually in awe of their accomplishments and dedication to life.
Over the years I've come to understand how I was affected by a lack of certain things, in my own upbringing...in the mothering by my own mother. I feel no malice or blame towards her. She was a product of her own upbringing combined with whatever innate traits she was born with...aren't we all? Despite this, I recognize her positive attributes as well...curiosity for one, and a random ability to be intuitively perceptive about some things.
At this point in my life, I understand that it's up to me to offer myself the mothering I may have missed out on. It's up to me to nourish myself with good food, spiritual fodder and healing ministration. It's up to me to be the compassionate shoulder I may need, but also the firm pusher into facing my fears. There's a lot of reflection and self talk involved in all of this. It's a practice that will be with me throughout my lifetime.
I've created a life with particular attention to beauty...the beauty that I surround myself with and the beauty that I bring awareness to (and often express in my art). This is one of the primary ways I mother and nourish myself. It's the garden with herbs to smell and taste, flowers to offer color and fragrance, vegetables and fruit to feed my body. I cook, make medicine, experiment. I read to expand my mind. I write and photograph and play with art to release those emotions that need to be free and connect to others. And that mother part of me sits back and says, "you go, woman! you be you!"
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