The Third Act

back in the swing

It’s been a busy day…doctor appointment, Costco to arrange for new tires, then home and barreling through cutting the front lawn. 

The lawn was probably the most physically taxing (sure had grown a lot in almost two weeks) but the most stress free. Medical appointments are never fun because of my health anxiety, but I’m being responsible about taking care of myself. The tires were kind of a surprise and quick decision, but the old ones have fifty thousand miles on them and winter will be coming. My blood pressure was up more than I expected which I found slightly disturbing (given I typically run low), but I was pretty amped when it was taken.

I’ve started back on escitalopram for my mental health. This past year has been tough and I can see that I truly need the assist. I’m hoping in the next month or two I’ll feel more grounded and inspired. I was talking to a friend the other day, a writer, and I mentioned that while some people can use their emotional struggles as fodder for creative work, that’s not how it is for me. He agreed that depression but more so anxiety, can be stunting for the creative process. I have always felt better able to make art while feeling safe and grounded. Anxiety is just too distracting.

Back to this moment…after working on the yard I came in and took my second shower for the day. Avery and I are now taking it easy for the afternoon. They say we’ll be getting remnants of hurricane Ida, including a slight risk of tornadoes. We shall see. But after that, it’s looking like lovely autumnal weather will be arriving by the end of the week.

 

 

Wrapping up…

I had my last visit with the kids this evening. We had a wonderful dinner at Bull Valley Roadhouse in Port Costa and I got to visit Theatre of Dreams in person to see all the autumn decorations.

I haven’t taken any photos for the last two days (well, that’s not entirely true…I did take few photos of the delicious dinner tonight) and I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I miss documenting the visit but on the other, being present with the moment felt best. So I have my memories, whether or not there’s photographic evidence and I’m okay with that.

By this time tomorrow I should be back home in Richmond Virginia. I feel good about this trip, despite the stressful nature of travel right now.  It was wonderful to immerse myself, but maybe more importantly, gain some perspective to aid moving forward into life with better intention and focus.

 

 

 

Ferry ride

Hadn’t done this is about a decade (or more). 

 

 

 

Tuesday

Last morning with this view (this time around). It amazes me just how easily I slip into the familiarity of this place. It’s been almost five years since I visited, but it feels like it could have been a week ago.

We’ll be heading down to the east bay in a few hours, where I’ll spend the rest of my visit.  

 

Monday

I’ve been immersed in the present. The fog, the ocean, the scent of the coast. I occasionally check in mentally with home…sending good vibes to the garden and Avery.

It’s been deeply satisfying to be with family. I’ve had an opportunity to gain some perspective and start to formulate ideas on how to engage more effectively with my own healing and growth. No answers or clear plans, but an understanding on the pathway to discovering those.

I currently sit, watching the rhythm of the vast Pacific, patches of kelp undulating in the gentle waves. Apparently the kelp had diminished quite a bit but has, thankfully returned. The sky is varying shades of gray, soft texture…maybe there will be a little sunshine later. I feel…connected.

 

By the bay

It’s been about 20 months (but who’s counting right?) since I walked by the San Francisco Bay. 20 months since I’ve seen all but one member of my family. 20 months to feel myself sink into this profoundly familiar space. I can’t describe just how good it feels.  I know it’s a privilege to be in this space again. Even my body seems to be loosening a bit. I’m grateful.

 

the company I keep

Sometimes it gets really old...living alone.  But, I find companions.

 

 

 

unexpected

Sometimes the garden offers up something completely unexpected. This gladiola arose in a spot I hadn't remembered ever planting it.  What a delight.  I receive my joy wherever it might arise and the garden is often so freely giving.

 

 

 

 

 

Hiding from the heat

We seem to be having our hottest summer days happening. The weekend should bring a bit of relief. Honestly, it hasn’t been a horrendous season for us this year. The thunderstorms do seem more intense, but also very localized. My neighborhood got it this evening, but now just a few rumbles of thunder and the temperature much cooler.

I am, however, looking forward to autumn.

 

 

window light

Just playing around with sunshine and one of the Instax cameras.  I remember taking photos in bright window light like this, back in my El Cerrito home.  Whatever the subject, usually fruit back then, illuminated against the almost black background.  Basic stuff, but fun nonetheless.