The Third Act

blooms

It's a sunny Monday in the garden...gradual warm up happening this week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

gray Sunday

It's cool outside.  I don't think it's as warm as forecasted.  That's not a bad thing.  But the overcast, the sun just barely being able to come through, is just a bit melancholy.

I didn't know what to photograph today.  There was no inspiration arising.  But I committed (in my head) to making the effort to get something up every day this year.  Sometimes it'll just be going through the motions.

The blue and tan artworks in the first photo are my grandmother and great grandmother.  They were from a village in what is now Ukraine.  I can't imagine what they saw in their lifetimes with WWI (my grandmother was here in the U.S. and my great grandmother had passed by WWII) and other upheaval that surely faced them.  While I'm their descendent, I've been fortunate to grow up in safety.  I continue to live in said safety.  But seeing what others are experiencing, I can't but feel that just because it's there it doesn't affect me or it doesn't matter.  We're all connected.  For me, I'm connected to the region by blood as well.

What a clumsy way of saying that I'm feeling off.  The world can't seem to catch a break.

 

 

 

 

on a late February morning

The ennui is strong.  Is it ennui...or is it just garden variety depression, or loneliness, or the weight of the world?  Maybe it's just the fact that I'm 63 years old and still adrift...what do I want to be when I grow up? 

In any case, the sky is overcast sending filtered gray light through the windows.  The dog has been out and fed, now sitting to ponder her next course of action, which will probably be an after breakfast nap.  The tomato and pepper and eggplant seedlings are seeming to thrive and I hope I haven't started them too early.  I look out my kitchen window to see the yard behind me has a tree dressed in bright pink blossoms.  A redbud maybe?  Mine is just now getting swelled buds.  But the little wild daffodils (jonquils?  narcissi?) in the front are at their peak...a cheery sight for any winter weary eyes.  

What will today bring?  Some time in the garden, depending on how motivated I am to spread more wood chips.  Perhaps a trip to the big box store for wire mesh and T-posts (for said garden).  And dinner...I've been wanting to make something eastern European, like stuffed cabbage rolls, vegetarian style.  Do I have enough desire for that?  Ennui.  There's leftover pizza in the fridge.  This is the last time I'll order it from that place (which has fantastic other foods).  I had to put extra cheese on it and stick it in the oven for another 20 minutes to make it palatable.  Next time I'll bake it myself  from scratch.  Oh yeah, that bowl of pears needs to be used...I'm thinking pear sauce would be nice.  Taxes...there's that too.

In the back of my mind, which I pull forward...gratefulness.  I'm safe, I'm sheltered and fed, I'm not fleeing a maniac or feeling threatened simply for who I am.  So there's a little bit of guilt for my whining...trying to balance that with understanding and compassion.

Just another day.

 

 

 

 

what a world, what a world

... as the wicked witch of the west would say.  Honestly, that's no comment on the wwotw, so much as that phrase just went through my head this morning.

I'm no expert or can speak with any intelligence on geopolitical activities.  What I can say, however, is that my heart goes out to all those suffering and currently living in terror in the Ukraine (and yes, other places in the world suffering as well).  My maternal grandparents were from a village in what was then Poland, but is now Ukraine.  I have ancestral ties to the region.  I'm aesthetically and emotionally connected to the culture.  But even if that weren't the case, the situation would still be upsetting.

I grew up during the cold war.  While I didn't necessarily know exactly what was going on, I did pick up on the threat "out there" which heavily tied into my father's religious fervor.  It wasn't something that was helpful to my already anxious wired brain.  Who needs this shit?

But I'm lucky.  I live in relative safety and comfort.  We're all citizens of this earth, though, so what affects some affects us all.

I'm rambling...

 

 

 

gift

The best gifts are random and unexpected, as well as just perfectly chosen.

Case in point...Miyazaki novelty socks!!

 

 

 

rain

The garden got a good, gentle soaking overnight.  I donned my red boots this morning, going out to inspect the situation.  The daffodils are all getting into the swing of things now, with many other varieties of bulbs putting out growth.  In the hollow stump I moved to the front, pansies seem to be taking hold (while there are new pansies in the nurseries now, the ones I got a couple weeks ago were left from last season...and on sale!).  

It will be warm again today.  I'm actually looking forward to some afternoon sunshine when this gray moves on.  Yes, it's too warm for February, but no, it won't last.  The temperature swings keep on keeping on.  It's early to go gung ho with planting, but in a week or two I'll be putting in root crop and greens seeds.  The nightshades (tomato, pepper and eggplant) are still growing well under their lights in the indoor warmth.

I don't know what I'd do without the garden.  It gives me purpose during a time in which I question if I have any purpose at all.  Or shall I say, sometimes my purpose seems like it's simply putting one foot in front of the other, living as well as I'm able.

 

 

 

 

self portraits

Several years ago I did a pinhole a day self portraiture project.  This turned out to be the same year that I moved from California to Virginia.  Needless to say, it was an eventful year.  That being the case, I still have two rolls of film left from that project to process.  It was a huge undertaking in a year that was, well, fraught.

Pinholes incorporating myself into the image, remain one of the most fun to make.  They even may produce the most compelling work I create.  I've not been consistent with these kinds of images for a while.  But, I'm feeling drawn to them again.  Will I make it daily practice for x amount of time again?  Most likely not.  I am, however, considering a series or sets (which haven't gelled intellectually as yet).  

 

 

 

 

 

back to basics

Black and white pinholes in the Zero.  It's like comfort food...but yet, comfort food that super nourishes.

Despite exposing the roll to light when I opened the camera to remove it (for some reason it didn't spool tight) and the ensuing light leaks, I still enjoyed making these.  

Just getting my feet wet again...

 

 

 

 

 

Sunny Sunday

I can dig it.

Other than that, I have nothing much else to report.  Swimming through the stuff of life...the feel goods and the not so feel goods.  You know, like everyone else.  

I was however, sitting by the front window this morning, watching the birds at the seed block.  There was a single red winged blackbird that would peck and peck and then stop to call out.  It made me think he was calling to the others saying, "hey, look what we have here." But only one other blackbird came, which seemed odd to me since I usually see them in groups.  They flew away and then came juncos and chickadees and cardinals.  I think there were a couple Caronlina wrens who came by too.  And I just went into this zone thinking of the magic that is nature and what has been created and what we humans have the capacity for with our complex brains and emotions.  And that was my church for this morning.

I was part of a spiritual group for a long time, which would profess that this life was an illusion, that there was something better waiting in our meditations and when we reached a state of samadhi or something.  It was never about this moment, and myself, being complete just as they are.  I don't have to try to "be better" or something other than exactly who I am (that's not say I don't strive to make changes that support a more comfortable and whole state of being).  I don't deny others their experiences, since I don't think there's a one size fits all with regard to spirituality.  But I can no longer take the words of others as fact. There may be useful guidance if those words seem to hit my core, though.  We're all just human, after all.

 

 

 

 

 

a fabulous visit

A friend of mine came down on Thursday to visit.  She just left this morning on Saturday.  I have to say, it's so wonderful to hang with folks who are copacetic and resonant.  The time flowed so naturally as we talked, walked, went on little adventures.  It's especially great to be with other folks who are pursuing their artistic path...very inspiring!

And now it's a chilly, breezy, almost spring afternoon.  The little naturalized daffodils are unfurling.  I've seen blooming forsythia in the neighborhood.  And the crocuses out back are forming flower buds.  I need to bring in wood for the stove and crank up a fire I think.  The temps keep swinging like a pendulum, going from 67 a couple mornings ago, to the 20s this morning.