...or shall I say, how I'm wired. I've been working with anxiety disorder for, well, many years. The presentation of this condition was less when my life was lived in domestic community. Still, it was there...and I didn't truly address it (even though I thought I did). Maybe that kind of work didn't feel quite so critical at the time.
Fast forward these several years alone, add medication and talk therapy and it's...better. But there is some deeply ingrained wiring in my brain and spirit, that continues to respond to specific triggers. I have to say, the therapies I've been using have definitely been helpful. It can be unnerving, however, to still have triggered experiences.
It's interesting to observe the process. How a trigger can expand in size, looming over me, causing an obsessive use of Google search and a completely unhelpful mind spiral! Yet there is that other learned part of me, that can observe and step in to comfort, and for that I'm grateful. I tell myself it would be so much easier if I had outside sources of comfort, to distract and cheer me on. But really, how fortunate to find this right inside of myself.
Today is balmy. There may be thunderstorms later on. The garden wouldn't mind the rain. The birds are singing, the dogwoods are blooming and I have an acupuncture appointment in an hour. Despite everything, that's not a bad way to start a Thursday.
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