The Third Act

home

In just a few days I'll be winging my way to California for a family visit.  It's been almost a year since I've been out. 

The garden is sort of reaching the height of growing season with Summer Solstice just a day away.  Consequently I've been putting a lot of energy into weeding, trimming and mulching.  Thankfully, a friend will be staying at the house while I'm gone so nothing will die from lack of water anyway.  They should have some nice little pickings while I'm gone, as the cucumbers and snap beans are really putting out these days.

Weird...it's hard to leave the garden.  Maybe it's my closest day to day relationship right now.  I mean, yes, there's Avery too but I know she'll be in a friendly and familiar place.  In the garden are all my little plant friends and while they do a good job of just doing what they do, I feel a responsibility...I want them to be okay.  Perhaps home is where the garden is.

And California?  That's home too.  Even after 8 years my psyche remains a little fractured by what has transpired in my life.  Fractured is probably too strong a word, though.  But my heart (my consciousness?) lives in two places...that's a challenging thing to navigate.  I think I do pretty well!

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday morning

It's the second morning in a row that Avery has woken me up before the sun rises.  At nearly the summer solstice, before the sun rises means a somewhat ungodly hour.  The windows have been wide open because the weather has been spectacular, but that also means Avery can hear every little thing outside.  Morning critters must've been roaming about and they weren't getting away with that without a commotion apparently!

So I'm up, sipping tea with the dog now on the coach beside me (snuffly sneezing every once in a while because there are too many things to put her nose in the ground about these days).  The sky is super clear and the air is a sweet, cool 57F...something to treasure in the middle of June.  Today promises to be another beautiful one, good for more work in the yard.  Yesterday I managed to get a lot of tidying and mulching done.  Mowing lawns is on the ticket next.  It's that time in the garden cycle when some things are ready to be cut back as well.  There's always a list to choose from with these tasks.  It's funny, I keep thinking I'll catch up, but there is no such thing with a living entity like the garden.  And that's okay.

I talked with both my kids last evening.  In a handful of days I'll be out visiting.  For a change, I get to stay with Julian in San Francisco.  It'll be fun.  Living so far from them continues to be an emotional challenge, but how fortunate I am to have the resources to travel.  I tell myself our connection is stronger because such visits provide an opportunity for depth that living close by doesn't always do.  I tell myself that, anyway.

Happy Father's day to all the dads out there!

Here are a few more Holga images of NYC...on Portra400.

 

 

 

 

 

room with a view

Well, room with a view of sorts.  It actually wasn't bad.  It was a very NYC view.  The street was relatively quiet, so no complaints there.  I mean, how much time does one spend in their room in that city anyway?

Kodak Portra 400 in the Holga.

 

 

 

 

 

the places I have been

Considering I didn't go anywhere for  a year and half, the past year has found me in a variety of places.  Last August I was in California.  There were two or three trips up to northern VA over the course of the year.  I went to NYC a couple months ago to meet up with my daughter while she was there on work.   It's interesting to look at the collection of color film images I just had processed and realize the different territory I covered.

While I was in NYC visiting with Laurel, we got on the subject of international travel.  I said I'd like to go outside the U.S. some day and she said, "Go for it!"  I replied by saying I'm not sure I want to do that alone.  She pointed out how self directed/reliant I am when going places on my own.  While that's true, I do long for the sharing and support of a traveling companion.  On the other hand I'm learning to be there for myself in more effective ways.  On the other hand, I acknowledge that to desire the support and companionship of another isn't something to be ashamed of.  Clearly I spend a lot of time looking at aspects of my life, my thinking, from many different angles!

Some pinhole, some Holga images below...

 

 

The new Penn Station in NYC

 

Cemetery in Old Town Alexandria VA

 

 

Taking the ferry from San Francisco to Richmond CA

 

 

Bay side, Pt. Richmond CA

Thursday

I went to Laura Lee's for lunch today.  I wanted to bring in some dill blossoms and a few black currants (for Ben to try).  Ben has agreed to house sit when I'm gone to California in a week or so as well, so I wanted to touch base on that.  The sandwich I ordered was turkey and cheese on a toasted roll with roasted peppers, pickled onions and shredded lettuce.  I brought half of it home...so good!  Sorry, no pics...I decided to read my book and chat with Ben rather than think about social media posts.  I consider that an achievement.

It was actually slightly cool this morning and as of 2:30pm it's not terribly oppressive out.  Tomorrow is supposed to be very hot.  The weekend, however, should be really nice.  The garden and yards will get a lot of extra attention on Saturday and Sunday.  I need to batten down the hatches, getting everything tidied and mulched for while I'm away.  Today I used up the rest of the comfrey tea fertilizer and continued random weeding, because that's never finished.  Another bucket full of comfrey plant has been topped with water to make a new batch of the plant food.

How's that for a mundane blog post?  I've nothing profound to relate...not that I really ever do!  Here are some Holga images, made on Portra400 film.  These are more almost-one-year-old shots from Alexandria, VA.  Better late than never!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

nearly a year

It's been almost a year since I shot this film.  It's taken me this long to finally get it processed!  Monochrome film I can process myself...but even with that I've been lax.  The past year has been weird.  Well, the past two plus years have been weird, no??  We could carry it even further than that, but you know what I mean.  Anyway, I'm feeling motivated again regarding film...negative film specifically (clearly I've been making lots of instant film images).  

So many things in life to tend to and now I'm learning to tend in a different way.  So many things in life to learn.  You know how it seems time speeds up as we age?  Well, the more it speeds up the more there seems to be engaged in!  

These are pinholes made in the Zeroimage69 on Kodak Ektar film.

 

 

 

 

 

tending to myself

It's not an easy thing for many of us.  To give ourselves the time and space to feel what we feel, without rushing through or pushing down.  I'm taking a online class with Jen Lemen and Nicci Nunes.  It's good to find support and encouragement, to be more whole and more human...to give myself the okay to be with all my parts.  Vulnerable parts can be scary to work with, to hold.  I'm compelled to "rise above" but that doesn't really help in the long run...that's what I'm finding anyway.  Sure, I cope and do what I have to do, but the tenderness underneath remains and deserves attention.  It makes for an interesting life.

 

 

 

something different...

This is something I've thought about doing for a long time.  I've used this stump out front as a platform for gratitude...mostly by feeding the birds from it.  But I've always been drawn to doing something more artful...yet transitory.  

Lunaria seed pods (appropriate for the upcoming full moon), black eyed susans (sunshine/approaching solstice) and feverfew (because it's so darn cute).  To be honest, I hadn't thought through the symbolism before hand and am rather tickled with the after thoughts.  

Here's the thing, that I didn't completely understand...to do this is a mindfulness practice (you'd think I'd known that).  It takes time to place everything just so, and to be surrounded by the growing things (and biting things) certainly brings awareness to the moment.

Note to self:  this would be a wonderful, routine ritual (but you already know that, don't you?  I'm slow on the uptake.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

back home

I had a lovely couple days visiting with friends.  Such a blessing to have folks to connect and communicate with in an intimate way.  I guess they like me.  This is always something that puzzles me or at least that I feel untrusting about...that people really do like me, that they're not just being nice.  Weird, I know.  Deep issues, I know.  I'm working on it.

I didn't use my cameras much, but had a really good talk about art and making art.  More and more I'm understanding what I need to do to get myself going.  Now I just need to do it.

The garden survived my absence.  As I was driving home from northern VA, there was rain pretty much the whole way.  But when I got just a half hour from home, there was a crazy thunderstorm.  Lightening bolts were everywhere ahead of me and the rain was coming down hard.  By the time I picked up Avery and got home, the clouds were breaking.  The garden was fine, despite my worries and had a good soak to boot.  The taller plants were a little floppy, understandably.  Later on I went out and did a little harvest of a handful of raspberries, some carrots, radishes and the last of the lettuce.  So, salad and dessert are taken care of.  As for the rest of dinner, I don't know yet!

It was good to visit and have substantive conversations, and it's good to be ensconced in my little hermitage again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday

I’ve had such a nice time visiting with friends. It’s been chill and connected…things I could always use more of in my life. I’ve made a few instant photos, but other than that, haven’t pulled any other cameras out. I haven’t even been using my phone camera (well, except to make the following images of the instant photos). 

Tomorrow I head back to Richmond, to Avery and the garden. Having had good conversations about art and art making, I’ll bring that with me for motivation on the home front.  I feel fortunate to have wonderful people in my life.