The Third Act

Thursday

Another fantastic August day.  Which makes it a bit frustrating to have been feeling very...blah.  I'm still wondering about post Covid mood swings.  I'll have a day where I just feel pretty darn good and connected, then the next it's like I'm stupidly stuck.

But...that being said, there was a part of me that knew what to do.  Get out and run errands.  Move the sprinkler around. Weed the driveway (yes, not kidding, it's actually therapeutic).  Come inside and take a break and feel like...yeah, I want to make dinner but the blahness makes it not very interesting.  So...that  part kicked in again and just got to it!  Maybe this is what my old Sensei used to call dynamic will.  He would say will alone doesn't get you to do stuff...but will backed by a certain kind of ki energy.  It seems true for me in my life anyway.

 

 

 

randomness...

...mostly in the garden.  Another gorgeous and cool (for August) day.  Combine the weather with the light and I do believe I can almost taste autumn.

 

 

tiger swallowtail on the Mexican sunflowers

 

and again

 

yellow sunnies

 

very fragrant hosta blooms

 

the figs are ripening

 

another little crop of raspberries

 

hidden passionflower

 

finally found some Bartlett pears

in the garden

I spent a couple hours in the garden, cutting plants back, pulling some weeds, cleaning out a bed and giving support to some of the bedraggled plants that still have life in them.  It was another gorgeous day, especially for August.  If this kept up until October, I certainly wouldn't complain!  But, I know better than that.

Whether it's some post Covid thing, or the time of the year, or what...but my emotions are very tender right now.  I try to do what I can for myself.  But some times the energy just isn't present.  I might get back to making more cyanotypes tomorrow, since I took care of the garden today.  Making artwork helps.

 

 

 

Monday

I took a little break for a few days.  A friend was down and I was helping out with some family stuff and in general having a good visit.  There was part of me that wondered if I wanted to keep my track record from the beginning of the year going...a blog post a day since January 4th.  Ultimately, I decided being present in the moment felt better than some arbitrary goal I'd set myself. 

So here I am...today.  It's cool and rainy...totally unlike mid August in Virginia.  I'm loving it!  We had a brutal three or four weeks with heat and humidity and I'll take any little respite that nature offers.  

I think I'm fully recovered from Covid as well.  Because the weather was so nice, and because they desperately needed it, I mowed the lawns yesterday.  The front and back yards look fairly tidy again (the gardens do need more attention, but that will come).  I got through that work and felt no worse for wear, so I'll proclaim myself healed from the virus (crossing my fingers that nothing gnarly crops up later!).

In the next couple days, when the sun is shining again, I'll get back to making more cyanotype prints.  The last large print I made was a slight miss (I wrote about it in a previous post), so I'm giving thought to what I want to play with next in that regard.  But today will be mundane stuff...mostly indoors.  It feels good.

A few conceptual self portraits with Instax film...

 

 

 

 

it's a jungle

The temperature is finally going down.  The humidity isn't quite there yet, though.  Tomorrow...or so they say...  And the garden...it's a jungle.  I mean, it's not as intense as other years...the raised container beds have really helped.  Cucumbers, squash, peppers and tomatoes continue to produce...honestly, I can't keep up (especially while I was under the weather).  There are definitely spots that need attention.  And the "lawn"...oy.  I'm looking forward to more workable conditions this weekend.

 

 

 

a start

I made a cyanotype today...before the skies were supposed to open up.  It's interesting...I thought the idea was fully formed.  After I hung the piece to dry, even when I was rinsing it, I realized it's not finished.  Part of me is a little frustrated, but that part of me has been around since beginning to create artwork, years ago.  There has been this notion that everything will "turn out" with one go.  I mean, I know better than that.  Still, the idea lives on inside.  It's taken a while, but I'm starting to get how process doesn't necessarily reflect in one piece of art...that process can encompass many pieces over a span of time and effort (if that makes sense!).  So, while something about what I printed today feels missing, at the same time I know I can carry it on in other prints.  At some point, all the elements will reveal themselves.

 

 

 

on the porch

It's shady on the porch with all the green growth, despite the trees in between the houses now absent.  But it's hot...still really hot.  I'm anxiously awaiting a reprieve from these conditions.  Under normal circumstances, I'd grin and bear it, but not this year.  This year I don't have the energy for that!  The weekend cannot come soon enough.

 

 

 

dog days

Avery, is smart enough to not want to go out in the middle of these hot, humid days.  For a while, she was always running to go outside, even if it was hot.  But I think the heat is different now...more intense and certainly more humid.  We just have to hang on until the weekend at which time it's supposed to get decidedly more comfortable.  Good thing too, because there's a lot to get done in the garden.  There's some clean up that needs to happen...trimming and weeding.  If I really had it together I'd get more wood chips down.  That being said, the wood chips can wait until end of season.  Speaking of end of season, the wheels are already turning in my head for expansion and more beds.  

Good thing it's uncomfortable out there because it's forcing me to rest just a little longer.  And I have to say, it feels good to do so.

 

 

 

 

morning ritual

It doesn't really change from day to day.  Even Sundays are the same.  I'm okay with that...it's grounding.

Water into the kettle. 

Tea leaves into the pot. 

Water on the tea leaves.

Tea into the cup. 

Gaze out at the garden while sipping tea, letting the mind wander.

 

 

 

 

a return to normalcy

I'm back to pretty much 100%.  I had to go out and get a few things at the store (well masked of course).  Since I tend to keep well stocked cupboards, I certainly had enough to make it through my week long quarantine.  But I was running low on a few items and it was good to get out of the house.

I was hoping to see Bartlett pears showing up in the produce section, but not yet.  Yes, I know they're from California, so not local.  Still, I always look forward to this fruit because it's a harbinger of the autumn, being one of the first pear varieties to ripen.  Gravenstein apples are the same in my mind, but you don't see them out east.  Both of these fruits are just so wonderfully fragrant, their scents always triggering anticipation of the fall months.  Alas, I came come with more plums and peaches.  

So, I'm thinking about autumn.  I'm feeling a little nostalgic and melancholy, about life.  While I tend to weather all aspects of this lived experience pretty well, there are still emotional tender spots.  I didn't let myself think too much about being alone while being sick, but it definitely compounded a sense of isolation...of solitude not necessarily chosen.  My mind tends to wander when my energy is low and while my energy is much better, there's still a post illness dip.  And these are the times the emotional cracks show up.  They're not bad or wrong...I think they're normal.  It's just an observation.