The Third Act

more cookies

It's been the perfect day to decorate ginger cookies.  The cold and wet outside are most conducive to staying busy inside.  There's been a fire in the wood stove and now I'm preparing ingredients to make soup for dinner.  

Wishing everyone a cozy day...

 

 

 

 

baking

I spent today baking Christmas goodies.  It's been a long time since I've done this much baking.  I have to admit, I'm a bit out of practice.  Everything turned out edible, but the meringues (which I've never made in cookie form) are rather meh in my opinion. The ginger cookies are good as always.  The peanut butter blossoms are weird, compared to most, in that I had no Hershey's kisses in the house, but I did have some M & Ms.  I'm sure those will be fine.

You know, I still fantasize about my perfect kitchen.  More than likely, I'll never see that come to fruition.  And the fact of the matter is, just like photography and cameras, it's not just about the tools (or the set up) but what you do with what you have.  I think of all the marvelous food that is made all over the world, in any manner of kitchen.  There are also people with fantastic spaces to cook but don't cook!  So I'll be grateful for what I have.

 

 

 

 

 

coffee

I haven't been a regular coffee drinker for a couple decades.  Tea is my definite go to.  I think in general, my body just likes tea better.  

But something's been happening lately.  Maybe it's because it's winter.  Maybe because the coffee smelled so good when my son made it while staying here.  Maybe it's the fact that I'm watching a lot more Scandinavian mystery-ish dramas, and they drink coffee more often than tea.  In any case, I've been feeling drawn to that dark, bitterish cup.

Coffee is one of those rituals, like tea, in which the process plays a big part (if you're someone like me who likes that sort of thing).  And that process includes grinding the beans.  So I find it amusing I was drawn to this canister of ground coffee while shopping at the (primarily) Asian market.  I think I was intrigued by the New Orleans connection and the chicory (because it must be healthier if it has chicory in it, right?) of this particular brand.  Something about it was waving at me, encouraging the purchase.

Apparently this grind of coffee isn't good to use in a French press.  That's what I have, however, so that's what I used.  I appreciate the similar ritual to making tea, using this vessel.

You know what?  It's pretty good.  I know the brew I get at the upscale places is often too...much...for me.  I try to like it more than I actually do.  This is funny, coming from someone who gravitates to strong flavors.  

Here's to new, mundane experiences!

(and yes, I was off with the focus in this Instax pic)

 

 

ready as I'm going to be

I think I'm pretty much ready for the holiday...whatever that means in my case.  There's a box to send out to California, but other than that, gift procuring is complete.  

Gift giving is not my love language.  I find it stressful in general, to get gifts for folks.  That is, when it's something really intentional like Christmas or birthdays.  It feels like whatever I get will be boring.  If I give something from a list...that's not very creative.  If I get something not on a list, that will end up being unwanted.  But sometimes I come across a perfect something or other and I'll procure and send right away.  Sure, I could wait for an occasion, but most of the time I'm just too excited.  

It's not really a big deal.  I don't let it get to me.  Once I move into the space of the process, I feel okay.  But my true love language, I think, is probably taking care of people.  I like hosting people in my home.  I like to cook for others.  That kind of act of love comes the most natural to me.  Given I'm so far away from family now, it makes the holidays especially challenging.  But I'm making my way and doing better bit by bit.  I'm actually pretty content this year.

 

 

 

winter light

 

I do love how it reaches in through the windows

to stretch across the rooms

almost making it to the far opposite wall.

 

 

 

fruitcake

It's been a few years since I made fruitcake.  When I was a kid I hated the stuff because the only kind I had came in a tin, filled with artificially colored "fruit" and horribly bitter citron (also artificially colored).  It wasn't until I reached adulthood and my culinary explorations that I found a recipe I liked.  There was only dried fruit in it...nothing candied.  Of course there was butter, sugar and eggs and what doesn't taste good with those??

At some point I lost the recipe that I had used for a decade or two.  Disappeared into the ether it seems.  Of course given it was on a slip of paper that migrated between books, not so surprising.  This year I used an Alton Brown recipe.  The process for the fruit was a bit different than in my experience, but I'm hoping it'll only make it better.  I changed up the fruit and liquids in the recipe as well.

Now the cake will sit, well wrapped in the dark for a couple weeks, only to emerge once in a while for a sprinkling of apple brandy.  On Christmas, I'll slice in!

 

 

ancestors

I know that for a lot of people and cultures, the time to connect with one's ancestors is around All Soul's Day (November 2).  For me, however, I find that the winter holidays offer more of that connection.  Perhaps it's because that, while I never knew my grandmothers, the traditions around Christmas (particularly Christmas Eve/Wigilia) were passed down.  The foods and the recipes come from my maternal grandmother.  I'm sure my paternal grandmother also fixed the same foods, but my dad didn't reminisce so much about this as my mother did.

I carried on those traditions with my own family.  Now that I'm far from everyone, it's not quite the same.  That being said, I still make many of the same foods, just not in the same quantities nor variety.  I like to think back in my lineage to how these foods are part of a long line going backward and, perhaps, forward.  Food is such a powerful way to maintain connection.

On the Christmas tree, I also have a few very old ornaments.  I don't know that they had anything to do with my babcia, but I do know that they predate me.  That being the case, it's possible these family predecessors actually occupied the same space as these decorations.  It's fun to think about.

The holidays can be a time of profound loneliness.  For many of the years I've spent holidays far from family, I've certainly felt that way.  Over time, though, feeling connected despite the distance has become easier.  

I'm getting older (duh!) and time seems to be passing faster and faster.  Lamenting what I don't have seems a waste of energy.  Celebrating what I do have is the way to go.

 

 

 

 

all done

My decorating is all complete.  I have to say, these two Instax images I took are unintentionally ominous!  The Santa Clauses in particular make me laugh...it's like they're zombies or something.  I find it rather hilarious.

I need to start some baking soon.  Fruitcake has been on my mind.  It's been a few years since I've made any.  I'm thinking about paczki as well, which my mom always made for Christmas eve.  My idea was to have a party and just feed people paczki (well, and maybe something to drink too).  Sounds a bit ridiculous.  Apparently I'm in a ridiculous frame of mind today.  Could be the full moon.

 

 

 

December 6

My goodness...the days and weeks seem to blur together as we head towards the end of 2022!  I'm having a slight difficulty keeping track.  Incredible.

I brought in my little Christmas tree this morning.  It's been sitting in a bucket of water since the weekend.  Given that today is St. Nicholas day, it felt appropriate to get the indoor decorating started.  I don't have a ton of decorations.  Over the years I've become increasingly restrained (not that I ever was extravagant).  Putting away after the holidays is a lot easier when there's less to take down.

Today is cloudy and drippy...cool but not cold.  The weather is assisting in my current tendency to hibernate.  Even though I'm not doing anything for Christmas itself, I can feel the collective push (at least that's what I'm chalking up low level unease to).  How this time of year (at least in the northern hemisphere) that was typically for quiet and rest, has become such a fury of activity, is a puzzle.  Or, given capitalism, maybe not so much.  Every year I feel more inclined to move away from the hubbub.  Aging is certainly part of that.  Circumstances another.  But I don't feel it's a bad thing at all.

I think the Instax shots below are the last from the DC trip I did with the kids.  I can't believe it was a week ago I dropped them at Dulles to fly home.  I mean, was it a week ago, yesterday, or months ago??

 

 

 

 

frost

It was around 28F when I got up this morning.  The rooftops and any place unsheltered had a thick coating of frost.  

In a couple days our low temp will be what's typically a high for this time of year.  I mean...yuck.  We'll be getting rain, so that's good.  But I'm still waiting for a delivery of snow.  A nice ten or so inches would be great to weigh down all the leaves.  Do you hear me Santa?  Got any sway with mother nature?  (I kid, I kid...but I would like some snow).